Self Acceptance by a Coach
In a world full opposites we seem to have trouble finding our own self acceptance. I was in the last couple of minutes with a coaching call and my client said she realized why she spent her life comparing herself to others. Her mother had compared her to others when she was a child and she learned it.
Learning to compare as a child makes perfect sense to me from two perspectives:- First we have the human perspective - the perspective we hold here on planet earth. Here on planet earth it seems as if comparing is perfectly normal. We are always looking at good and bad , smaller and bigger , better and worse . We see things in duality. If there is one, the opposite is also true. So when my mother used to say, "Why aren't you like Renee (a goodie-two-shoes who was the older-than-I daughter of my mother's childhood friend)? It made me feel - bad! So if I was bad then somebody has to be good. And so we spend our lives comparing ourselves to others. But self acceptance can also be learned thus we have to apply it to our daily routine.
- Then we have the broad, spiritual perspective (and I might add, the real one). In that perspective there is only ONENESS. Whether you see it as a spiritual Intelligence, God or whatever, it's very nature is oneness. And since that implies that ALL is part of that, there is no duality, no good and bad, no smaller and bigger, no comparison. All is included in the ONE. We are all encompassing. All of us are apart of one whole.
So, from the spiritual perspective there is nothing to compare because we are all part of the same thing. It is only an illusion. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else checking to see if they are richer, thinner or prettier or if you are, then you can realize that perspective is learned. Now you are in control of your own self acceptance. Every time you catch yourself, you are closer and closer to full self acceptance.
YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching
YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching
I have a friend who was constantly compared to those around her. Unfortunately she still hasn't really gotten things together and still acts as if she's a little girl looking for someone to appreciate her.
ReplyDeleteI can't remember being compared to anyone because in a way I was a good kid all around but ...I remember my sister was always struggling with school and when my mother was comparing her to me...I would feel really bad for my sister...
ReplyDeleteGreat article!
Nathalie
My father is a heavy duty mechanic, thats not bad but its not my cup of tea. My dad drove me out to my first rig job (drilling rigs) because I didn't have a pickup truck good enough for the rigs, yet. Now my younger brother who's 9 years younger than me is mechanically inclined. My father when I was younger always kept me away because he figured I was ready for it. My father treated me worse I was younger than my brother, because he hadn't been treated for sleep apnea which he has one of the worst cases you can get. I know as I read this it dosen't sound too clear but try living with a person who has as bad a case of sleep apnea as my dad. I find it hard to find acceptance with my dad because he feels now that he has the sleep apnea pump that I should just forget how he was. I just can't forget ,so judging yourself is not the problem it's finding acceptence because he thinks I shouldn't think how he was but how he is now. All I can say is I was 11-16years old,the damage has been done.
ReplyDeleteDamage was done. Good you see that. Your dad wants to minimize because it makes him too uncomfortable but this is about you. We have a journaling community that you might find helpful. Each week you get a topic you can write on and there are topics that are helpful to make inner change.
ReplyDeleteIt's all too often that women compare themselves to each other, to their friends, their siblings or even celebrities. And often times not comparing yourselves results in being independent which is too often looked down upon. Women need to embrace themselves for who they are- no two people are the same.
ReplyDelete