Are the 12-Steps enough?

I am a friend of Bill W. If that doesn't mean anything to you, then you might want to skip this article - or not. Around the world there are many self-help organizations that have formed to help various forms of addiction. Many of them - maybe most of them - are based on the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

The program within those pages have helped countless people get their addictions handled and have helped them get their lives more together. I am one of those people. Almost 34 years ago I began steadfastly using what I learned there and the results are phenomenal. I consider the spiritual program the basis of my life.

But I felt led to find additional ways to grow to support what I learned there. Many do that. And I believe for most of us it is necessary if we truly want to grow into the fullest person that we have the ability to be. I don't believe "The Program" really addresses our emotional selves fully. It does in many ways but I know I need tools to process my emotions fully so that I can relieve myself of any emotional backlog accumulated over my life time and which, to some degree, continues to run my life.

The Big Book was written in 1935. There has been and evolution of consciousness and information that has blossomed since that time having to do with our emotional selves. Many people are trying to deal with it with prescription medication offered by the medical world to deal with feelings. Personally, I don't believe that really solves it. (I am neither doctor or psychologist. This is strictly my opinion based on observation of myself, clients, friends, family and my natural inclinations. So any 12-Steppers out there who feel it necessary to add additional sources of help the their program of recovery, my blessings go with you and I am one of you.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Are you in a love hate relationship?

I’ve been thinking about what a love hate relationship is. The operative word to me is “love”. If one is calling it “love hate”, it must mean there is first love. So where does that take you? Well, if this love hate relationship is someone with who you are having romantic relationship or marriage with, you’ll want to be investigating, understanding and dealing with where the hate is coming from. Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1)      Am I carrying resentment because of behavior in the relationship that has gone unaddressed?

2)      Do I feel I hate the person I also love because we have issues and they aren’t being dealt with?

3)      Is this relationship about failed expectations?

4)      Am I always in a love hate relationship? (Is it because I like the drama?)

5)      Is this relationship very similar to my parents relationship or my relationship to either of my parents?

There are serious issues underlying the questions above. The first three questions have to do with communication in the relationship. If one is to have a healthy long term relationship that succeeds, communication needs to happen. Yelling is not the kind of communication I mean. I am talking about expressing appropriately the feelings and emotions that occur when one is in close connection with another person. Feelings get hurt. Mistakes happen. Misunderstanding happens. Bad days happen. Big and small events happen. Other people and situations impact what is happening between the two of you. If children are involved, everything is multiplied. And all problems have a solution but if the reason you call it a love hate relationship in the first place is because communication is poor, it is likely it will eventually end up becoming a totally hate relationship and end.

If your answer to question 4 is yes, I’m betting the answer to number 5 is yes also. If this is the case, it might not be enough to just express emotions appropriately within the relationship, it might mean you will have to deal with your relationships with your parents before you can turn your love hate relationship into one you’d call a love relationship, there’s a lot of healing work that needs to be done. With large and unresolved issues from the past, it is most likely that every relationship you ever have will continue to create problems until you realize that you are worthy of a love relationship and do not need to settle for love hate.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching