Emotions and Feelings - Letting Go of Hurt Feelings

Letting Go of Hurt Feelings

I am a true believer of expressing emotions and feelings. I believe the only way out of emotions is through them. If your feelings have been hurt, pushing it down won't work. If your feelings have been hurt, dumping feelings on the person who hurt them won't work either. What works is letting go - appropriately. But how does one do that? In my YOU University program and other programs, I give you instructions to write Love Letters. Love Letters were designed to be used as a tool for appropriate expression of emotions and feelings.

John Gray and Barbara deAngelis taught me how to write Love Letters in 1982. I've been writing them ever since. I can do them in my sleep or in my head if I don't have a computer or a piece of paper handy. I am an expert. I teach them. I coach them. I probably even nag about them. Love Letter used correctly are a great way of letting go.

I was talking to one of my coaches this morning and I shared with her two little stories about what happens when someone isn't open to your feelings and she suggested I share them with you all. Here they are:

Story #1 - I have a very good friend for 30 years. She has been totally instrumental in my life. She sent me to the first workshop where I learned about emotions and feelings and learned to write Love Letters. (I also happened to meet my lovely husband there but that's another story.) She is also very unafraid of her own anger and can be very strong is expressing it. Growing up with the mother I had and just being myself, I'm not wild about being around that so when I was upset with her many years ago, I wrote her a Love Letter. She didn't want to write one but assured me she could just do it verbally.

Well, it didn't work out so well. I read mine to her - ending with lots of love and forgiveness that was truly in my heart. Then it was her turn. Because she's so forceful in her anger and it is so easy for her to express, it about knocked me over. Because she wouldn't write the letter, she was unable to gauge whether the love she expressed was at least as long or longer then the anger she expressed (one of the vital rules involved in Love Letters).

My questions to you: How does it feel to you when a whole load of anger is dumped on you with no resolution of forgiveness and love and understanding.

Story #2 - In my past I worked for years in a couple of personal growth organizations. Love Letters were used in the culture of the community surrounding the group but the leaders refused to receive them even though they taught them. I strongly requested that I be allowed to use one to communicate my upset. I was given the OK verbally but the person to whom I read the letter had their heart completely closed to what I said - even all the love. If I had know then what I know now, I would have stopped as soon as I realized this. But I did not. I kept going. It felt as if all of the feelings multiplied by 10 bounced back off that closed heart and fell all over me. It was very painful.

My question to you: If it is so painful to not be heard and understood, what is stopping you from finding a way to do it so that you are heard and understood or at least feel peace within yourself?

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Love Compatibility Test: How will I know he's the one?

It would really be great if such a thing existed out there in the world. All you’d have to do is get out your trusty credit card, put in your number and the perfect questions to tell you each whether you were compatible would pop right up. And off into the sunset you’d go – either together or apart - depending on the results of the test.

That might have worked when you were 14. Some teen magazine created the test. You took it and found out yes or no.

Or you might count on the info you get from your local or online astrologer. Maybe they do know but truly, how to know if he’s the one or not is not that hard. The information is right there inside you.

Every time he makes you happy, he’s the one. Every time he does something that upsets you, angers you, hurts your feelings or makes you feel small, he is not the one. If he continues to hurt your feelings and make you feel small, he is not the one.

Now I am not so naïve as to think it’s that simple. But it could be. Here’s what you have to do to make it that simple. You have to find a way to listen to, discern and trust the emotional feedback your body gives you. You know what I’m talking about although you may not realize it.

Next time you get angry or feel sad, notice what’s going on in your body. Next time you are wildly happy, notice that and what it feels like in your body. What are you feeling right now? Are you having what you’d call a good day? Or are you having what you’d call a bad day? It isn’t the events that usually make the day good or bad. It is your emotional reaction to the events that make you interpret it as good or bad. When you start looking internally, you will know the information you are looking for when it comes to the person you are trying to know your compatibility with.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “It’s an inside job.” It is an inside job because human beings have a full range of biochemicals that flow throughout our bodies and let us know if we are happy or sad, angry or joyful. So that’s where the compatibility test answers are – inside you.

But you searched and found this article because you aren’t clear - which means something is blocking you from knowing your own truth. These are the kinds of things that block women from knowing:

1. They have a hard time understanding their emotions.


2. They started a physical relationship before they really knew the guy and become confused because their hormones and emotional vulnerability is totally triggered. This is not a moral judgment but rather a reality for women.


3. They are carrying a lot of emotional baggage from the past and it is confusing the current situation.


4. They have low self esteem and want to hold onto anyone as long as someone will stay with them.

So if you want to know if he is the one, you have to allow yourself to feel your feelings and acknowledge what they are telling you. If all this idea does is leave you feeling confused, then I can promise you you need some help in getting back in touch with your feelings. Go seek help before you make any decisions about who is “the one”.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching