Life Is So Damn Much Life

I teach people how to get their emotions in order - what are they, how to get through the hard ones, how to get to the good ones and not have the hard ones always be in control. As a result their lives and their feelings about themselves change drastically and dramatically - all to the good.

So what happens to the teacher when she is having one of "those" days? Well, I'll tell you. I'm pissed off that things aren't how I want them to be. I can neither sit, stand, walk or lay down totally comfortably for very long - and it's been months - and it's really gotten to my head today. Not only that, the bank made a dumb error that I have to call them about and several other "first world" issues that I feel too embarrassed to publicly moan about. But Damn! Life is so hard sometimes.

And I don't even feel like being spiritual about it (but I will sneak in and say that Someone has played exactly the song I needed to hear this morning, the Beatles "Because" and put exactly the right book into my hands, Steve Jobs biography, and had me turn on a documentary about very emotional, very creative Isaac Mizrachi all of which reminded me that a) fame and success is no barrier to feeling upset, b) even people who have lots of emotional difficulties contribute greatly to the world and c) because the sky is blue it turns me on). But, as I said, I don't feel like being spiritual or grateful today. 

I just want to scream, complain and be downright annoying. I want to be a little baby again. Just like I was in the picture sometime in 1943.

I know tomorrow will be a better day and if I go clean my dumb kitchen, I'll feel better.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Emotions and Feelings - Letting Go of Hurt Feelings

Letting Go of Hurt Feelings

I am a true believer of expressing emotions and feelings. I believe the only way out of emotions is through them. If your feelings have been hurt, pushing it down won't work. If your feelings have been hurt, dumping feelings on the person who hurt them won't work either. What works is letting go - appropriately. But how does one do that? In my YOU University program and other programs, I give you instructions to write Love Letters. Love Letters were designed to be used as a tool for appropriate expression of emotions and feelings.

John Gray and Barbara deAngelis taught me how to write Love Letters in 1982. I've been writing them ever since. I can do them in my sleep or in my head if I don't have a computer or a piece of paper handy. I am an expert. I teach them. I coach them. I probably even nag about them. Love Letter used correctly are a great way of letting go.

I was talking to one of my coaches this morning and I shared with her two little stories about what happens when someone isn't open to your feelings and she suggested I share them with you all. Here they are:

Story #1 - I have a very good friend for 30 years. She has been totally instrumental in my life. She sent me to the first workshop where I learned about emotions and feelings and learned to write Love Letters. (I also happened to meet my lovely husband there but that's another story.) She is also very unafraid of her own anger and can be very strong is expressing it. Growing up with the mother I had and just being myself, I'm not wild about being around that so when I was upset with her many years ago, I wrote her a Love Letter. She didn't want to write one but assured me she could just do it verbally.

Well, it didn't work out so well. I read mine to her - ending with lots of love and forgiveness that was truly in my heart. Then it was her turn. Because she's so forceful in her anger and it is so easy for her to express, it about knocked me over. Because she wouldn't write the letter, she was unable to gauge whether the love she expressed was at least as long or longer then the anger she expressed (one of the vital rules involved in Love Letters).

My questions to you: How does it feel to you when a whole load of anger is dumped on you with no resolution of forgiveness and love and understanding.

Story #2 - In my past I worked for years in a couple of personal growth organizations. Love Letters were used in the culture of the community surrounding the group but the leaders refused to receive them even though they taught them. I strongly requested that I be allowed to use one to communicate my upset. I was given the OK verbally but the person to whom I read the letter had their heart completely closed to what I said - even all the love. If I had know then what I know now, I would have stopped as soon as I realized this. But I did not. I kept going. It felt as if all of the feelings multiplied by 10 bounced back off that closed heart and fell all over me. It was very painful.

My question to you: If it is so painful to not be heard and understood, what is stopping you from finding a way to do it so that you are heard and understood or at least feel peace within yourself?

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

How Do Life Coaches Deal with Feelings and Emotions?

This Is What I Do

As I've said many times, each life coach is different. So I can only speak for myself. This morning was a perfect example of how I, as a life coach, interact with clients emotions and feelings. I have a 67-year-old client who, from my perspective, is a bit afraid of her feelings. Because of that, she almost always decides that her anger is not ok. This, of course, affects her relationships profoundly. She has been married four times. And currently is in a committed relationship which seems to be much better than any she's had before. Her partner is willing to grow along with her and is open to change also. He appears truly to love her and want her to be happy.

So they have some things going on that have given her the opportunity to become angry. Things that have to do with money, control and remodeling a kitchen. Last week she was so full of feelings and emotions that she was ready to sleep in another room or leave the relationship. This week she reported having had the conversations with him that she needed to have herself be seen and heard.

Now I'm fine with whatever she does. As you know I try to have NOAGNDA with my clients but they pay me to say the hard stuff and many times to offer my knowledge, wisdom and know-how with the challenges they experience in their lives.

My experience with emotions and feelings is this. In my household growing up, I pretty much was allowed happy and sad. The two incidents my mother told me about often were when I was two and four. When I was two I apparently kept spitting cereal at her so she dumped the bowl on my head. When I was four I spit again and she washed my mouth out with soap. So the environment wasn't too open to my expressing anger. Well, when a child is hampered from expressing feelings, what happens is they lose their inborn emotional intelligence. Because that happened to me, many things came to pass in my life that forced me to finally pursue reeducating myself on feelings - both intellectually and by allowing myself to process the old ones. That's another story but I have a lot of experience and am now thought of as an expert in emotional intelligence by my husband.

So this is part of the education that often happens with clients. When we talk about emotions and feelings, I teach what I know and offer tools I've learned or developed.

That's pretty much how this life coach interacts with clients about emotions and feelings.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

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