What I'm Learning (& Why I Hate It)

For many years I've had weird symptoms which I finally learned in November is radiculopathy from spinal stenosis (Spinal stenosis is narrowing of the spinal column that causes pressure on the spinal cord, or narrowing of the openings (called neural foramina) where spinal nerves leave the spinal column.) I hurt a lot and often and big time at night.

I also teach that every situation has one or more gifts or blessings and so I pretty much have to look for those gifts and/or blessings myself.

BUT FIRST I HAVE TO COMPLAIN.

That is one of the things I am clearly seeing. I do need to be heard about how hard this is but, taking the advice from my Wise Fairy God Mother, I really try to keep it to no more than 15 minutes a day. If I go on about any longer, I chance being stuck in a negative, feeling sorry for myself place all day - and that just adds to the burden.

ANOTHER THING I'M LEARNING IS ONE PERSON, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY LOVE ME, CANNOT KEEP HEARING MY COMPLAINTS AND NOT BE EFFECTED.

My husband is a lovely and loving man. No one has ever cared about me the way he does. And he has been called to act on "for better or worse" a whole lot since October or November. I had reached the place where I could hardly walk and needed much care and errand running - even in our small apartment. But he is not impervious to the emotional space that I am in and he needs love and attention too. So I am going to start journaling my "stuff" first thing in the painful morning and relieve him of some of my complaining verbalizations.

I THINK I'VE ALWAYS BEEN COMPASSIONATE ABOUT OTHERS PAIN BUT NOW I REALLY UNDERSTAND THE MINUTE-BY-MINUTENESS OF IT.

Physical pain is hard to ignore. Nerve pain is hard to ignore. It has often made sitting and sleeping hard or near impossible.

My husband was telling me the this morning that because I'm a born teacher (look around the site), I will be helping people with this and that teachers who teach by example (which I am), must experience things in order to not just be spouting information but really getting to someone else's heart.

I'm sure there is more and I'm sure I'll be writing more as I journey through this new adventure in my life. And to end on a positive note, I have found treatment that I believe will work and has already shown some positive results.

The only One Who Knows It All is not making house calls today.

Accepting Life on Life's Terms - or Not

I go to meetings in rooms where one of the watchword phrases is about "accepting life on life's terms". Sounds good and very spiritual - and often it is but sometimes it's not.

Nineteen years ago I was told that I had early stages of breast cancer. I was unwilling to accept what was and is commonly used for treatment - chemotherapy and radiation. When I look back I see it was a bold step since that is what "everyone" did and what all the doctors recommended and on top of that, it is what my mother died of at age 57. I was 51 and chose a different way. I chose a metabolic diet, supplements and detoxification. I am well and have none of the aftereffects of the harsh treatments prescribed regularly.

Well, last week I was told I have spinal stenosis which is a narrowing of the spinal column caused by osteoarthritis whose emotional component stems from abuse in childhood. The prognosis could well be bladder and bowel malfunction and a wheelchair.

It certainly sent me into a tizzy. I have weird leg pain and other sensations, knee stuff, a foot that goes to sleep, sore hips and I'm 70. Should I just accept life on life's terms? If I did that the way others do, I'd be at doctors' offices, getting MRI's, etc. Well, that is not my way.

So I'm doing acupuncture and have researched what my diet and supplements should look like, going to learn tai chi and if that doesn't work I shall continue accepting life on my terms until the day I die and have accept death on its terms.

I really want one person that I could find that knows it all but that person doesn't exist - no matter how extensive their education. They know what they know and it is up to me to cull out the best of it, the parts that make sense to me both intellectually and intuitively. The only One Who Knows It All is not making house calls today.