Why we all don't have what we want

Personal Power For All

I've been involved in the human potential movement or on a personal power path for 40 years. When I started on my path I didn't know I was on a path; I just knew I was in so much angst about my life and my body that I had to do something. What I did was go to a 12-Step program and found a spiritual answer or rather I began to understand how life really works - not what I had learned from my parents who actually didn't have a clue. It's not that at 37 I found all the answers. I found out there were questions. Much more important.

So my journey has wound and wound and found me living in L.A., Sausalito, Mill Valley, Petaluma, Dallas and Las Vegas - in no particular order.

• It took me out of my first marriage of 15 years into single parenthood with 4 children with lots of low self-esteem.

• It took me to other 12-Step programs. It found my second husband of 6 mos. in that 12-Step program and led me out of the marriage and the program again.

• It found me at an obscure workshop called Making Love Work by the then very unknown Barbara deAngeles and John Gray.

• It found me discovering my childhood abuse and back into another 12-Step program.

• It took me back to John Gray and Men Are from Mars . It found me my 3rd husband of 23 years.

• It took me to coaching and writing - and many other places.

My life is a miracle to behold. I have 4 lovely adult children, 6 amazing grandchildren, 2 beautiful daughters-in-law. It gave me a most precious and special relationship with my stepdaughter. It gave me friendly but far-away relationships with my other stepchildren and grandchildren.

Why did a woman who was emotionally and sexually abused as a child, who suffered from very damaged self-esteem, married 3 times(!), who saw herself as a victim etc. etc etc. get such a great current life. THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. I DO THE WORK I UNDERSTAND MY NEEDS TO HEAL, TO GROW AND I DO IT 100%. Even when I didn't have the emotional tools to move on, I had the personal power.  Whether it's with a coach, without a coach, in a 12-step program or out - NO MATTER WHAT, I do and have done the work.

If you have that kind of personal power and commitment to your path, you have anything you want. I promise.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

What Does "Owning Your Power" Mean?

Introducing, (your name goes here) the great!

How Do I "Own My Power"?

Our neuroses are the raw material out of which an interesting personality may be crafted.
Original Self, Thomas Moore 2000, Harper Collins, p. 15

 

I've been a study in holding myself back. These are some of the ways I've done it:

• I’ve given certain people too much power. I think they know or can do more or better than I can. Thinking that I have tried to almost BE them. Guess what? You can't be anyone but yourself.

• I’ve protected someone close to me from the judgment of others. For example, I never wanted my mother to know when I was hurt or angry with my ex-husband. I guess I didn’t want to let her think she was right. She didn’t like how he treated me (and I didn’t like how he or she treated me). The funny thing about this is that SHE was the one who he reminded me of and who changed a happy sensitive little girl into a person who would totally ignore her own knowledge that this man was never going to be a good partner for me.

• I’ve said I was going to do something – and then didn’t follow through like the zillions of times I said I was going to lose weight – and didn’t. How loving is that to me?

How have you held yourself back? Are your boundaries being stepped on? Do you keep your word – especially to yourself?

Here’s an assignment to help you get your power back. Every day ask someone what they value in you. The more stuck or depressed you are feeling the more important it is to ask this question. The more you don't want to do it, the more you need to.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Letting Go - Teaching How to Forgive

Do you ever find yourself going along thinking you know something or that you've resolved something, letting go and all of a sudden there's more to learn or you discover you just resolved it a bit more?

Sometimes I think an issue is resolved and then I discover there’s even more to be uncovered and resolved.

My ex-husband was in my life. We shared four children and five grandchildren. We lived a few miles apart. It's taken a lot of work on my part to be in a state of forgiveness. A lot of letting go. We had a very difficult marriage. We were too young and too unsuited to each other to have anything but a contentious relationship for a good deal of the four years we dated and the 15 years we were married.

I had been going along thinking I had forgiven him for the hurt I felt but wouldn't you know it, I learned just how much internal protection I was holding onto when it came to him. And I am sure he could feel that. I wasn't letting go. I kept seeing him as ‘weird’ until it I clearly saw, “Your four kids are half his? Are they weird? Are they part you and part him which makes them somehow defective.” Of course not! So another letting go.

Maybe some people who grow up being abused never learn how to fully relax and fully trust others. Or maybe it happens in degrees over the years. I'm not sure but what I'm sure of is that I sat next to my ex at a holiday performance at our grandson's school the Friday after realizing this and I felt completely open to him for the first time – probably since we met in 1961! And then again in those couple of weeks, another unfolding and another awareness and another letting go. We had the best conversation about a difficult family issue. It was the best conversation we’ve had in 50 years!

Life is a wonderful teacher and I felt lighter and better about myself with this burden dropped - or maybe they'll be more to drop someday in the future.

You University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Letting Go of Clients Is Like Letting Go of Butterflies

Life Is a School

I fully subscribe to the concept that Life Is a School and so the events of my life often take on powerful meaning and personal growth. They serve as signposts along my life's journey. On Election Day one of those significant events occurred. (If you want to read about it, click here .) The long and short of it is that we ended up with 7 year newer, better car, a car payment and a new source of revenue - a new client.

Which brings me to the new client. We are such an amazing energy match! She is my perfect client: aware, spiritually-oriented, bright, creative and has a somewhat limited view of how truly fabulous she is. I love our conversations and know our work together will bring us both to new heights.

As often happens in the beginning of a gigantic personal growth journey, something very big happens in your life - most often a truly important outer experience reflecting your inner resistance. My car incident could easily be categorized as an example of that. Well, my new client ended up with a very big experience of food poisoning.** It had her being taken back and forth to the hospital and experiencing gigantic pain and scary pre-diagnoses prior to the doctors figuring out what was really going on physically.

All of this threw her into big turmoil and apprehension and she put our coaching on hold.

Switch to me now and think about my experience of all this. Of course I feel real concern for her physical condition - and then there's that other niggley little thought, "what if she changes her mind and I don't have this source of income?" Now I know who that voice belongs to. It's the voice of my ego in it's incarnation as a worried mom. I know that is the voice of no trust, fear and not-enough. From  my  own  personal  growth, I know to ignore that voice and not let it take over. But it did not fully heed my snub. While sitting on the couch minding my business, it snuck right in and started shouting!

I   had  to  use the tools that I  have taught to  my  clients in  their own personal growth.  It was the mentality  of "Life is a  School" that put my energy  and feelings  into a more positive place.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Rules for Being Human-Keys To Self Growth

Rules for Being Human

These rules are consistent to everyone. It doesn't matter where you are or where you are from these rules apply to your life. If you can embrace them, your self growth will truly show itself.

1.  You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2.  You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them stupid and irrelevant.

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works.”

4.  A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.  Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of Life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6.  “There” is no better than “here.” When your “there” has become a  “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7.  Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something that you love or hate about yourself.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.  Your answers lie inside of you. The answer to Life’s questions lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10.  This will often be forgotten, only to be remembered again.

From the book If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Living in the Now - We Teach What We Have to Learn

Living in the Present

You know the phrase, “We teach what we have to learn”? Well, I should never be surprised that I spend a good deal of my days teaching, coaching, reminding clients about the very things I need to be reminded of. Some days I find I’ve done such a great job that my clients say exactly what I need to hear! Today was such a day.  I needed to hear that I should be living in the now and that’s what happened.

My client started describing how she believes she is overcoming her anxiety. Besides being vigilant about what thoughts she’s thinking and giving up complaining, she realized that when she consciously was living in the now situation (whatever situation or task it is she’s involved in), her experience this past week has been - way less anxiety.

Just the reminder I need. I’m not having a problem with anxiety but I sometimes have a problem of feeling emotionally flat. I believe that habit comes from my childhood when the negative feelings and sense of powerlessness was so acute for me that I had to numb out so that I could survive my childhood. And that habit has survived to some extent all these years later. But when I am living in the now, I feel myself and feel my lively, juicy interior self.

You might be wondering how you are in the now or not even know what I mean.  I’ll do it right in this moment and stop and explain the experience.

1. I stop and notice whether my full attention is on what I’m involved in. Right now I’m writing on the computer and because I write often and fairly easily, I notice that part of me is a little absent which means I am not in the present.


2. Now I come out from behind what feels like an inner door and be here with all of my attention focused on this very moment.


3. Now I’m trying to type and stay present with what I am doing – notice my fingers on the keys, my eyes following the type on the screen.

I knew even as I wrote the above that it isn’t the best description in the world but, hopefully, you know what I mean, will practice a bit and can duplicate my experience of living in the now.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Should couples have sex before marriage? What factors should couplesconsider?

If that is your true question, should you have sex before marriage? I have no answer. That answer is one of your own desire and sometimes a religious question. I cannot speak to your own personal desire nor to religious ones but I can speak to the question about sex before marriage.

I may be of a very different generation from you but sex was not just invented in the late 20^th century. It’s always been around. And when I was your age, it was around and people were pondering the same questions.

But by the time the 1970’s rolled around, sex had quite clearly come out of hiding.

So I get that there is much underlying this kind of question. Many women have had the experience of being unabashedly and unashamedly “modern” – knowing that it is totally okay and not only expected of men but now women are allowed to come right out and say they like sex too.

This is a very good thing. For way too long sex lived under the false wraps of shame and modesty. Since all sex is , is just human, it doesn’t belong wrapped in shame. But where exactly does it belong?

Well, my age and my focus has some great advantages when answering that question. Here are my advantages:

• I have been around  7 decades.
• On top of that - I’ve been married 3 times.
• On top of that - the third one is 27 years long and highly successful.
• On top of that - I worked and studied with one of the world’s experts on relationships – John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
• And on top of that - I am an observer and teacher of the human situation – and I have been observing what frequently happens when a woman has sex too soon.

I realize the secondary question in the title of this article is “What factors should couples consider?” I am a woman and I have only the real experience of woman to rely on. By specifying couples in the question, the implication is that I’d also be speaking about what’s best for a man. I can do that only in this way; if a man is serious about considering a future with a woman, what works for her must work for him too – otherwise the issues of incompatibility are too deep to consider a future together. So I feel safe in directing my thoughts to woman.

If I were you, here’s what I suggest you consider before you have sex:

Before you jump on your “I’m an emancipated woman” horse, consider waiting 2 to 6 months before you have sex with a man you might even ever consider for a lifelong partner.

For many psychological, physical and biological reasons, women become very activated emotionally when they have sex. For that reason, it would be a really good idea to wait because then - as men are accused of having their brains you know where - women become exactly what will not allow them to really get to know their potential future partner because their hormones will not allow them to get in touch with their true intuitive nature. They will  most often not look at the real signs of “not a match” because they are now like high school girls with a major crush.

If you liked him a bit and thought he was cute, why not get to know him before you activate all of that lovely emotional roller coaster. It’s not a guarantee for future success but it gives the relationship a shot. And imagine how enticing you become when you are the one woman who says “no” – or “no” for awhile anyway. 

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Married and Sex

Senior Sex Drive

You've probably read or heard stories like I have about how much sex seniors have - in retirement homes, in movies. Anyway, somewhere I picked up the idea that my senior sex drive would be strong because I love and am attracted to my husband. And that's me. And he's a man. Need I say more?

Well, it just ain't happening that way. When we were first together I think we stretched the "all you think about is sex" part of our relationship to about 5 years whereas the old adage is "put a bean in a jar for every time you have sex in the first year of marriage and then it'll take the rest of your life after that to empty it if you take one bean out for each time you have sex". (I just noticed how exactly opposite these two tall tales are.)

The way it is happening is, over the past 2 or 3 years, we don't have a lot of sex. First it was upsetting to talk about with a bit of blame, guilt and responsibility floating around for each of us but, as is our way, we don't let things like that stay problematic. We keep dealing with them until we're satisfied that we are on the same page about it. We are on the same page about it. We are both in consternation and desire to have it be different.

So yesterday we were having a conversation about it - a thing we do often on the weekend - and I think I realized something about it. I need you to imagine a line drawing here. Imagine a line across the lower part of the page and imagine that that is the level at which I lived. It basically represents at what level of happiness and fulfillment I lived in my life - particularly the intimate relationship part. Now along comes the Martian and that level sharply rises. Now one could think that the level of not too much sex represents the level at which I live but that isn't true. If you've read this blog or know me, you know I live at a very high level of fulfillment and happiness. So I'm thinking that that big jump that I made when the Martian came into my life which was out-pictured by the intensity of my sexual experience is now the level at which I live.

So maybe I'd have to have another gigantic spike in energy to give to sex but our lives are so full of other things and our love isn't new. It's deep but we are used to it.

I think at the point we currently are, people who don't have really fulfilling relationships or lives, probably put all their energy somewhere else. Often with another person. Neither of us is about to do that.

So we'll keep talking and having sex when we do in the loving way that we do.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Thoughts on: "To err is human to forgive is divine"

Here’s a statistic that will grab your attention: “1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1999)”

That is a horrible thing to read and because sexual abuse is so prevalent, it is absolutely necessary to focus on it.

Here’s another one: “In a study of 1,000 women 15 years of age or older, 36% had experienced emotional abuse while growing up; 43% had experienced some form of abuse as children or adolescents; 39% reported experiencing emotional abuse in a relationship in the past five years (Women's College Hospital, 1995⁸).”

Why start an article about forgiving with statistics on victims of sexual or emotional abuse? Forgive the perpetrator? How can one actually do that? And why bother? It doesn’t make practical sense. Or does it?

I’ll tell you why I think it makes sense and I speak from personal experience and have watched many people reach the same conclusions as I have. Nothing else works to free us of the emotional and spiritual effects of that kind of abuse as forgiving the person who did it. But first let’s be perfectly clear on what I am defining forgiveness as.

Forgiveness is “giving love as before”. That does not mean in any way that any abuse is acceptable. NEVER. But great spiritual teachers have been trying to get us to see this concept for eons. Whenever we stay in anger, hurt, sadness, shame, guilt, pain about those horrendous experiences and keep holding the perpetrator as hateful, it keeps us as victims and it keeps us nailed to the person as if by emotional leg irons.

I experienced both kinds of abuse for many years in my life. And for many years I lived my life as a victim lives their life – everything happened to me. It’s a kind of soul sickness. The effects are many and varied. Amongst them are:

• Low self esteem
• Poor self image
• Body issues
• Addiction issues
• Low performance issues in school and work
• Poor relationships
• Poor parenting
• Depression
• A general inability to cope

Lucky for me when the pain got big enough, I left the bad marriage and I found some places to heal and learn and grow. What I learned  was it felt much better to forgive then not to forgive. It felt much better to learn how to rid myself of the old pain then to hold onto it. Believe me. It takes work but the results in my life are phenomenal.

• I feel good about myself.
• I think I’m quite cute.
• I love my body and care for it because I really get it is the only one I have.
• My eating addiction is peaceful.
• I cannot belief my prolific talent in writing and coaching.
• My relationships are spectacular.
• I feel a little down occasionally but never depressed and I have learned so many tools to help with the down times.
• I cope so well, I amaze myself.

So I think the that forgiving grave error is the work of the soul but the benefits are right here on Earth where we live. Does it let the person responsible for your abuse off the hook? Only so far as your energetic connection to them. They have their load to carry but you are free.

You University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Taking Responsibility for the Negative and the Positive You Create

One of the things I teach my clients and practice myself is taking responsibility. I believe we fully create our lives by our thoughts and feelings. However, I don’t require my clients to believe like I do. I just ask them to try that perspective out and see if it works for them. So far, no one’s declined. So it is definitely a filter I coach from.I’ve pretty much mastered being able to point out a client’s responsibility and whatever that entails without creating defensiveness. It’s probably because my clients trust me and I have a gentle manner but speak the truth as I see it (which is what they are paying me for.)

But taking responsibility – which tends to take a bad rap because for most of us it implies blame of some sort – also supports taking responsibility for creating the good in your life. You get to take credit for creating your raise, your well-brought up kids, your sterling attendance record, your millions, your wise investments, your learning to deal with the 120 high school students you teach. You and everybody else get to take credit for it all.

Maybe I’ll start a campaign or write a book called Taking Credit which teaches the self-empowerment that comes from taking responsibility for all of it.

 YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Breadcrumbs from the Universe

Remember in the fairy tale about Hansel and Gretel how they found their home away from the evil witch by following the breadcrumbs they had dropped so they wouldn't get lost? That's how I always picture what happens in my life if I PAY ATTENTION and can get through whatever the emotional upset is that I am going through to find solutions to my issues.

Here's a very recent example. I am an elder. I will be 71 in a bit over 3 weeks. It's hard for me to believe but my body knows it's so. I've had some annoying symptoms for over two years and I couldn't figure out what they were at all. Not having the usual backache as a symptom never clued me in on the spinal issues that it has turned out to be.

My immediate reaction was fear and jumping around from one way to deal with it then to another but finally the dust settled inside myself and I have really been able to pay attention. Here's what happened.

• First I was looking at my Kindle app on my phone when a little whisper of a thought popped into my head "search for back books". So I did. I downloaded some sample chapters and the 3rd one was a book about what's called Foundation Training. You can go read about if you are interested but it was exactly what seemed to work for me or at least it was a start but there seemed to still be more needed. I searched on their site and found someone local who had been trained by them and had some email back and forth and was planning to have an appt or two with him to make sure I was doing the exercises correctly when the following happened.


• As I was coming out of a local health store, I saw this sign on this car. I had seen it around town before and meant to look at the site but since I didn't know I really had these issues, I never remembered. This time I took a picture, looked at the site, called and made my first appt and this man is a gentle genius who is definitely helping me.


• And here's what let's me know that I have followed the correct breadcrumbs for me - last night I got an email from the local Foundation Training guy that he spoke to Gadi last week and is meeting with him this week - all independent of my intervention.

So I'm curious how you notice the breadcrumbs dropped by the Universe for you. If you have a story that shows how that happens, please share in the comment section.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

What I'm Learning (& Why I Hate It)

For many years I've had weird symptoms which I finally learned in November is radiculopathy from spinal stenosis (Spinal stenosis is narrowing of the spinal column that causes pressure on the spinal cord, or narrowing of the openings (called neural foramina) where spinal nerves leave the spinal column.) I hurt a lot and often and big time at night.

I also teach that every situation has one or more gifts or blessings and so I pretty much have to look for those gifts and/or blessings myself.

BUT FIRST I HAVE TO COMPLAIN.

That is one of the things I am clearly seeing. I do need to be heard about how hard this is but, taking the advice from my Wise Fairy God Mother, I really try to keep it to no more than 15 minutes a day. If I go on about any longer, I chance being stuck in a negative, feeling sorry for myself place all day - and that just adds to the burden.

ANOTHER THING I'M LEARNING IS ONE PERSON, NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY LOVE ME, CANNOT KEEP HEARING MY COMPLAINTS AND NOT BE EFFECTED.

My husband is a lovely and loving man. No one has ever cared about me the way he does. And he has been called to act on "for better or worse" a whole lot since October or November. I had reached the place where I could hardly walk and needed much care and errand running - even in our small apartment. But he is not impervious to the emotional space that I am in and he needs love and attention too. So I am going to start journaling my "stuff" first thing in the painful morning and relieve him of some of my complaining verbalizations.

I THINK I'VE ALWAYS BEEN COMPASSIONATE ABOUT OTHERS PAIN BUT NOW I REALLY UNDERSTAND THE MINUTE-BY-MINUTENESS OF IT.

Physical pain is hard to ignore. Nerve pain is hard to ignore. It has often made sitting and sleeping hard or near impossible.

My husband was telling me the this morning that because I'm a born teacher (look around the site), I will be helping people with this and that teachers who teach by example (which I am), must experience things in order to not just be spouting information but really getting to someone else's heart.

I'm sure there is more and I'm sure I'll be writing more as I journey through this new adventure in my life. And to end on a positive note, I have found treatment that I believe will work and has already shown some positive results.

Santa Monica - The Land of the Prius and Running Red Lights

I just drove home 2.4 miles. I checked it on Google Maps and I counted 16 Priuses which would lead me to believe that all of these people have some sort of awareness that says, "I want to be part of the solution on the planet". A great thing we'd likely all agree with.

On the other hand in my great aware city of Santa Monica, voted 44th best city to live in, running red lights has become more the norm then just stopping. Oh and let's not forget the new passing on the right to get 1 car or 12 cars ahead.

For me it has made driving and crossing the street a bit scary. A man actually yelled at me and my husband because he was expected to stop at a stop sign and we were crossing the street.

Is it EGO run rampant? In other words "I'm so important, don't you dare get in my way!" or is it anxiety? What is going on?

My Husband Assures Me I'm Not THAT Important

I live in a courtyard where 8 or 10 other apartments face into by at least a window. We have lovely flowers because two of my neighbors love to garden. We even have tomatoes and other vegetables growing in season because one of the gardeners is also a natural foods consultant.

And, this is Santa Monica - 2 miles from the beach with pretty much perfect weather.

Most of the time our courtyard is quiet. There is the occasional party and we do have some really "crying kids neighbors" who also periodically fight - badly and meanly and even sometimes physically. Basically it's the world.

Awhile back my husband would occasionally say, "Did you hear that?" but I always missed what he was talking about making me question that maybe my hearing was going. Well, what he had been hearing occasionally, I started hearing ALL THE TIME. It was a poor woman who might be suffering from dementia. She continuously and loudly was cursing her husband and what he made her do and what he didn't do etc, etc, etc.

Here's my guess: she was a good wife. She was probably born in the 30's or 40's or 50's and was taught - whether in her family or in her society - that she was supposed to be nice. Another words -  DO NOT EXPRESS YOUR ANGER AND HURT OR YOU WILL BE LABELED A BITCH.

So now she sounded like the worst bitch in the world. Maybe that is what dementia is about. We shut ourselves off and shut ourselves up and it has to get out some way.

Well, be that as it may, the continuous yelling was really getting to me. It's been warm and I work at home so closing the windows or putting on music wasn't really an option. So in my final attempt for sanity I turned it over i.e. I gave it to the Universe with a prayer something like, "Please God. Solve this. I'm going crazy."

Well, last night and today there has been nothing but silence again.

As I was cleaning up the kitchen I had a funny thought and told my husband about my prayer. I jokingly said, "You don't think God answered it and killed her do you?" He assured me with his lovely smile that "you are not as important as you think you are."

So I don't know if she is gone or moved to a hospital or what but I am grateful for the peace and I wish her blessings on wherever her journey has taken her. (And my husband and I have each vowed to continue to appropriately express our emotions so that if we are ever in that state, we won't trouble our kids or the neighbors with our screaming about what we never gave ourselves permission to express.)

Life Is a School - New Lessons at 70

I am lying on the couch waiting for my husband to finish some school stuff so we can re-watch a fantastic series from 2007 called "Life". Very spiritual although it's a cop show.

Anyway I have basically overexercised my foot and I can't really walk much until it heals (quickly I pray). It's really hard to not be able to do everything for myself because my husband, God bless him, has a very big and very time-consuming job for someone of any age and Friday he'll be 79! and also, he is not great at household stuff. Always willing but sort of a clutz. I figured out that he could bring me simple things to the table I hobbled over to and cut tomatoes, scooped cottage cheese onto a plate and added a few olives. I forgot I really like simple food and even boring cottage cheese was good (thing learned).

Also, it's amazing to find the words "overexercise" and "Maia" in the same sentence. I've always resisted and had to force myself and now just when I'm good with it, I have to really watch it because 70 year old bodies (or at least this 70 year old body) is fairly delicate (thing learned).

Sometimes it kind of pisses me off that I have to practice what I preach. I teach that there is a gift or a blessing or something to learn from everything that happens. Sometimes I get mad at God for not keeping things smooth for me, after all, I'm such a good person, but God apparently has a sense of humor and a unique way of teaching me what I have to learn.

So I learned:

1. Eating cottage cheese and veggies is good food.


2. Protecting my body is a good idea. It's not being a baby. It's really being realistic.

And, BTW, I know that lots of older people break hips and things from falls. Well I fell in my own house on Wednesday and I just took if very easy and I have nary a bruise or a hurt anything. So #2 is subheaded "protect my body and know that it's a good one."

Not sure what Life Coaching is?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13y2P1huQsg&feature=youtube_gdata

You want to be a life coach but you aren't exactly sure what it is.

This was written a short time after 9/11...

My Neighbor Lives 10,000 Miles away

Global Consciousness & Community

On September 11, 2001 the world changed. Now we truly know that those that live 10,000 miles away are our neighbors.  Everyone on this planet feels the effects of  what a few fanatics did to the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The effects will continue to be felt for the rest of our lives. Many things have changed and are changing as this is being written. No one is smart enough or enough of a prophet to be able to predict what all the results will be. Some things, however, are powerfully clear. What we say and do and think effects everyone else. If I decide not to fly because I am scared, I send a message to those that know me that they should be scared. When they mention the incident to others in their lives, they too are effected. People may lose their jobs because of my choices. This, in turn, effects our economy. Our economy effects the world economy. At no time in history is it more clear that we are a world community – whether everyone likes it or not.

The 20th century paradigm was, “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.” Rugged individualism was highly valued. Even though the women’s movement occurred in groups, the desired outcome was more individual power for women. Not a bad thing in itself but individual none the less. The 21st century paradigm is about community, cooperation and co-activity. Co-activity is defined as “active collaboration1” and “an alliance between two equals.” The term is used to refer to the relationship between coach and client but readily applies to a wider world view. It is a concept and a term that is useful to describe the  model and culture for the 21st century.

Emergencies and situations that require special help and support frequently make us realize how important our communities are to us. We may move to a new place and have no family or friends. We may come to a new passage in our lives – marriage, divorce, grown children. Intentional communities are those created wherever we are on our journey through life.

Building and broadening your intentional communities will nurture your life. Then when life happens, the community is in place. Part of being a successful person is the awareness that we aren’t alone and that everything we do impacts each other politically and environmentally.

• Reach out to longtime friends for connection. Make new ones. Bridge the gaps that exist between people and nations so that hatred and lack of understanding can disappear.

• Use professional associations and connections as a launch pad for personal connections. There is bound  to be at least one person there grappling with similar issues – even if you both want to figure out how to leave the profession.

• Get a coach – now. Coaches offer continuity and perspectives on your growth.  If money is an issue—once or twice a month is better than not at all. If your coach hasn’t earned her value for you within a six months period,  get another.

Old Energy Thinking: You have to do it alone. It builds character.
New Energy: Everything I do, even if I do it alone, effects everyone.

Breaking free from family expectations is one of the most difficult challenges in my lifetime.

by Savina Cavallo

Family.  The immediate one.  The one I grew up in.  And my children too.

I grew up in a “dysfunctional” family…whatever that means.  You see, I understand that there is no real perfect family.  What are the parameters?  I understand that each of us do the best we can in the role we play in Family and in Life.

That includes my parents.  That includes me.  That includes my adult children today.

I still feel stressed trying to please and play the part I felt I needed to play to survive emotionally in my family when growing up.  I find myself still as an adult playing those same roles with my father, my brother, my oldest daughter.

My father expects total respect just because he’s my father.  In his mind and perception, that’s a given….not necessarily the other way around.  So my feelings and expectations in our relationship are not acknowledged by him.

My brother, who’s 12 years older than me, is the same.  So when he feels upset with me about something, he’ll just call me and snap at me, without any discussion or even giving me an opportunity to clarify….and he does the same with my 28 year old son.  You see, he doesn’t like my son because my son doesn’t take shit from anybody.  He’s not disrespectful…but he expects respect.  My brother doesn’t know how to deal with this.  He sees my son as my father sees me.

My oldest daughter, who’s 33 now, is still living decades in the past and walking around with old resentments and unresolved issues….OF HER FREAKEN OWN!!  But, she tries to dump them on me.  She jumps at any opportunity she has to lash out at me, to make me feel bad and guilty and dirty and all the stuff she has inside.

On the other hand, I’m blessed with my other two adult children, who have done their own inner work, are still growing, have released the past, and we get along just fine.  Thank you God.

Family.  There is no handbook with instructions on how to deal with these emotionally charged relationships.  I’ve tried everything I know up to now:

• let things pass to avoid conflict. Doesn’t work (for me)


• Write a letter to them expressing how I feel.  Doesn’t work


• Talk things over.  Doesn’t work.

Family are very set in their ways.  What do I do?  How do I act?  From all the inner work and healing I’ve done (journaling, YOU University personal development program, studying A Course in Miracles principles, reparenting myself) I now know I have a responsibility to myself to protect my boundaries, or they will be stepped on over and over.  Unfortunately, Family is not accustomed to this new behavior.

It’s hard for me.  It’s confusing.  Is this loving?  Is this the “right “thing to do?  I don’t want to hurt anybody….now, including Me.

Well, I don’t have these answers.  All I know is that I feel it’s time to acknowledge my own place in life and break free from the old, toxic patterns of Family  I carry these patterns within myself also, since I’m a part of Family too.  So I keep aware of my own reactions, learning to choose responses that are healthier and more loving for me.