Relationship Communication
Bafflement
OK. I teach and coach about relationships. Everybody knows that communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. In relationship communication I have learned to communicate the big stuff - like: "You are acting like a jerk" or "when you don't talk to me, I feel scared about our relationship and don't know what's going on," etc.
But how do I let you know things like, "You have dandruff "or "you dripped on the bathroom floor or messed up the sheets?" Those things are so personal and seem so hard to communicate and so petty to boot. I just want to let them go. But then I end up resentful. You know, little thing on top of little thing on top of clean up after you and say nothing, on top of little thing and I'm ready to walk right out the door.
I've been in a great relationship for 29 years and I still haven't learned the best way to do it.
Any ideas on relationship communication?
Maia, I read this post and I think you must be talking about someone else because I couldn't possibly be responsible for all of those things.
ReplyDeleteOK , I probably am.
If it bothers you so much I think you could say something about it.
If you have already said something and I have not changed then tell me again but remember to tell me each time like it is the first time.
Remember that behaviors that are instinctive and important for you are not necessarily so for me.
I will commit to trying to change some of my personal habits that frustrate you.
I figure that guys tend to be a little lazy in some of these areas (that would be me) and I don't feel like I'm giving up a lot to accede to the wishes of a woman who is more of an expert in some things than I am.
Little things like dandruff are easy. Buy him some dandruff shampoo, or a really good conditioner. Present it as a present ;). If he complains about of himself, it's even easier, because then you can make suggestions. My boyfriend complained about his hair and dry skin, and as it turns out, wasn't even aware of what conditioner was.
ReplyDeleteI think the best thing to do is.. say it. Don't skirt around the issue but be kind. Also, what is it about his dandruff that bothers you? Is it worth mentioning? What about the sheets, are those worth mentioning? If you tell him it bothers you and are able to articulate why, then he might remember better. Like, "I feel so relaxed when the sheet aren't confusing and rumpled..." or.. "Does your head itch? Whenever I see your dandruff I can't help but empathize.. what about dandruff shampoo?"
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