Supposedly, relationships are easy in the beginning.

Relationships are easy in the beginning. At least that's what everyone says. In some ways that was true of ours. Sex was easy and plentiful. Newness, excitement and freshness was easy. But I assigned to myself a very big challenge - that I was going to tell the emotional truth quickly in this relationship. That was one scary deal. I had never done that in relationship communication. As a matter of fact, I went out of my way to be as pleasing as I could be. It didn't work out very well two times before. So I had to take the chance that it was worth it to be in a relationship with me and that if the Martian didn't like me and my emotional truth, we weren't meant to spend our lives together.

And in the beginning it seemed pretty easy for him to hear my emotional truth. Our relationship communication was well in hand. We've talked about it since that time and my conclusion is that because he wasn't very emotionally tied into me, he could be the perfect listen-only Martian. He didn't take any of it personally. But as we became more and more emotionally connected, it became more difficult to not take it personally. We probably both need a quick re-read of The Four Agreements.

Then there is the statement: "When you begin dating someone, it is fun finding out all you can about them and the quirky little habits that they have just make you find them all the more attractive." Most of us have experienced that once the relationship begins to mature, things that were once cute are sometimes aren't so cute anymore. As a matter of fact, they can be down right annoying.

I believe quite strongly that the Universe is in balance meaning that who we are in partnership is no accident and that we "fit" together. If the fit is uncomfortable, then there is growth needing and wanting to happen. Sometimes that growth takes the form of a different way of communicating. Sometimes it requires outside help in the relationship. And sometimes it means leaving the relationship all together. It's your choice.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Communicating the Small Stuff

Relationship Communication

Bafflement

OK. I teach and coach about relationships. Everybody knows that communication is one of the pillars of a healthy relationship. In relationship communication I have learned to communicate the big stuff - like: "You are acting like a jerk" or "when you don't talk to me, I feel scared about our relationship and don't know what's going on," etc.

But how do I let you know things like, "You have dandruff "or "you dripped on the bathroom floor or messed up the sheets?" Those things are so personal and seem so hard to communicate and so petty to boot. I just want to let them go. But then I end up resentful. You know, little thing on top of little thing on top of clean up after you and say nothing, on top of little thing and I'm ready to walk right out the door.

I've been in a great relationship for 29 years and I still haven't learned the best way to do it.

Any ideas on relationship communication?