How Can You Develop Your Emotional Intelligence?

by Gina Bendel, YOU University Life Coach

Emotional Intelligence is defined as “the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ feelings and emotions; to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one’s thinking and actions”.  ~ Defined by John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey, two leading researchers on the topic

Wikipedia defines Emotional Intelligence as a self-perceived ability to identify, assess, and control the emotions of oneself, of others, and of groups.

Developing your Emotional Intelligence (EI) will help you to navigate in your day to day interactions with the people that surround you.  To perceive EI as an inner ‘knowing’ or ‘guide’ will help you to make decisions which will honor who you are – your authentic self.

There are a myriad of ways in which you can develop your Emotional Intelligence and really begin to honor your own feelings and emotions so that your decisions reflect and create true satisfaction in your life.

• Actively seek resources on dealing with emotion.  There are many books available both online and in your local book stores or library.


• Focus on materials which help you to understand and deal with personal feelings you may be experiencing for yourself.  Some of these may be grief, anger, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, or love, happiness, and joy.


• Make it a point to learn more about issues that someone you love may be experiencing.  The idea here is to seek to understand emotions which may seem unfamiliar to you.   This is how emotional intelligence grows.


• Focus on how your own emotions influence your thoughts and actions.   Choosing to have a heightened awareness of your emotions is one key to understanding yourself and your needs.  Many people are disconnected from their own emotions.  This is especially true with strong emotion such as anger and sadness, but no amount of denial or numbing of feelings will eliminate them.  It’s important to have emotional awareness to fully understand our own needs as well as to communicate these effectively to other people.
  
  
  
  • Exercise to try:  Making it a point to focus on your feelings, begin a journal of your thoughts as they come to you, paying special attention to how you are feeling and whether the way you feel is affecting your day-to-day thoughts and actions.
  
  
  • Focus on what your body is saying to you.  Develop the ability to read how your emotion is communicating to you through your body.
    
    
    
    • Reduce stress through your senses.  Using your senses – sight, sound, smell, taste and touch, discover the things that are most soothing to you and consciously use them to reduce stress quickly.
    
    
    • Notice how your body feels when you think of a strong emotion.  Make it a point to pay attention to what your body is sharing.  For example, when you think of something that makes you angry, do you experience pain or discomfort in your body?  Starting from your feet and moving up your body – focus on how each part feels when you think of this particular emotion.

Working on your emotional intelligence helps you to stay focused in the present and recognize opportunities for resolving feelings about conflict.  It allows you to more easily pick your battles and to end conflict more readily.  You are more aware, more empathetic, more compassionate and can communicate more easily.  This is a sure way to begin to honor your real, authentic self!