Is it giving you energy - or taking your energy?
Sometimes we like to stay in denial about our relationships. We can't really tell if it's working or not. Sometimes it's as if we just don't want to know - or at least our ego doesn't want to know because then it will mean change and our egos HATE change.
So here's the simple test: Stop. Think of your relationship. Pay attention to your body. Does thinking of it make you happy to think about it or leave you feeling dull, hurting, confused, wishful, pained, __fill in the blank__________. If it leaves you feeling anything like that, you've got problems.
I've had three varieties. The first one was started when neither of us had a clue about how to do have a relationship. I felt hurt, fearful, unhappy and want to leave almost every day for 15 years. I'm pretty sure he did too. We were young and did not know how to treat each other well.
The second one would have been the kind to fool most anyone. He was a really nice person. He tried to be a partner but there were the sneaky ways he didn't tell the truth about himself and what he was up to; the ways I felt wistful that maybe I made a mistake; the discomfort of the imbalance in contributions to our financial well-being with no real desire on his part to improve himself. It might have confused me if I hadn't had my long and hard disaster before it. I knew I couldn't hold onto something that wasn't working well EVER AGAIN.
I think making that decision was what led to the over 25 year never a question, always good and working partnership I have allowed in my life. No confusion. Hurts dealt with right away. Very clearly a well working success story.
What will it take for you to decide to have a good relationship?
Yeah, this is one of those simple tips that sounds good but doesn't work all that well. I mean come on, if all it took for you to figure out if your relationship was working or not was to think for a moment about if it gives you energy or not then you could be deciding on the future of your relationship based on something like maybe you had gas or an upset stomach or headache at the time you did this test. I think people are very complicated and relationships are even more complicated and you don't figure them out in a minute.
ReplyDeleteLet's put it this way, snowflakes are simple on one level yet very complicated when you look at them and no two are the same. You could probably come up with a test for snowflakes but I am not sure what would be learned.
The ever expanding universe has infinite complications and diversity but it has a unified source of happiness or goodness or perfect balance.
ReplyDeleteFeeling good about anything is a good way to test if it is working for you as an individual. But if you have some physical aches and pains, find out what's causing them so you can get rid of them. Never put up with discomfort for any reason.