Resolution without Shame

If you read my earlier post called “To Coach a Friend or Not to Coach a Friend”, here’s the update. Friend and I had an appt. yesterday at 10a.m. I had offered to place the call because I have flat rate long distance service and I offer that to all of my clients if they want it. So I called at 10 and the line was busy. I called at 10:03, 10:05 and 10:08. Same result. Then I wrote the following email:

Hi,
I’ve tried your number now about 4 or 5 times for our 10a.m. call this morning.  It’s busy. It’s looking like you have a lot of resistance going on to this coaching relationship. You’ve forgotten an appt, had a repair man appear at the time of the call and now the phone’s busy. No blame. Just something for you to investigate. However, I don’t want this to affect our relationship so I leave it to you to contact me and you will probably have to kind of talk me into the efficacy of this part of our relationship. Hope all is well. I’m off to do errands.

She called later. She wrote about what is happening with her and took responsibility. But for now I want to deal with how the coach handles the situation. This is tricky business. Even though you are hired to help a client overcome their resistance or uncover and meet their goals and speak the truth as you see it, there is a fine line you walk as a coach.

Will it be too much for them to handle? Will they retreat, blame you (even just in their mind) and quit coaching? Or will they be glad you are helping them move forward through the tough stuff? There are no right answers here. It takes experience, awareness, self-confidence, a strong bond with your client and probably many things I’m not thinking of right now.

The main  focus   is to  point  out the truth  without  shame. We are not trying to shame  our clients. We  want them to grow and find  resolution.  Being able to break  down resistance without  guilt  can  sometimes  be difficult if we are  unwilling to forgive ourselves.  This can  be hard  for clients  to overcome,  or  anyone for that matter.

Results in this case? Our friendship is unimpaired. I may provide some support but she won’t feel guilty or unsupported and I won’t feel drained or overly responsible for her. I consider this a success.

Radical Self Acceptance/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching