Are You Building Healthy Relationships?

Expectations of Building Healthy Relationships

I have a friend for many years. When I first, formally started my coaching practice, she was one of my first clients. I wasn’t able yet to observe myself in the coaching process enough to be able to see if the calls were building healthy relationships between my client and myself. A couple of weeks ago she called and said I need your help. She said, "I’m overwhelmed and confused about creating my business so I either watch TV or eat to avoid the whole thing."  I agreed immediately but we didn’t really lay out what she expected from me and from the coaching itself.  One of the best tactics in building healthy relationships is to outline expectations upfront. The lack of having done that immediately showed up as a problem. She missed an appointment, then had a gas company guy come at the time of the next appt. and was heavy into negativity when we finally spoke on the delayed appointment.

I don’t perceive my job as talking a client out of their negativity. I perceive my job as working with it to change it. Subtle difference but a big difference in results for the client – and results for me. Which leads me to what I experienced that day.

When I hung up from our call I was tired and drained. I thought it was because I didn’t have enough sleep. But several hours later I had my next client appt. and although later in the day, I felt exhilarated and stoked which is how I most often feel after coaching – which I’ve used as an indicator that coaching is a gift of mine. Also, I remember learning from John Gray about a zillion years ago that if a relationship is giving you energy, it’s a good relationship and if it’s taking away energy, there are problems. He was referring to intimate relationships but what’s more intimate than a relationship between a coach and a client?

So back to my question: to coach a friend or not to coach a friend? I still don’t know if it’ll work in this case but I have begun to remedy the situation by requesting my friend to please write down her expectations of me and of our coaching. We will speak about it next week and we’ll see where we end up.

Lesson learned: When building healthy relationships you must request and layout expectations and boundaries.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Boundaries - Building Healthy Relationships

Boundaries. You hear people talking about them but maybe you aren't sure what they mean. A boundary around a piece of property is the outer limit or can be a wall or fence that is there to keep others out. For you, personal boundaries are your limits for other people in relationship to you. It is the key to building healthy relationships.

Boundaries are an important part of life for everyone. If you do not set boundaries in your personal life, you may find yourself unhappy and resentful. Learn to say no when your boundaries are being pushed too far. For example, your friend often wants you to pick up her kids from school and do a little shopping for her but today you had planned to do your own shopping in a different part of town. It is within your rights to say no. Don't allow anyone to take advantage of you. That doesn't mean you'd never do a favor for your friend. It doesn't mean your boundaries can't be flexible. But unless her need is based on serious circumstances of incapacity of some sort, allow yourself to feel uncomfortable with no , but say it anyway.

Don't let yourself be one of those who time and time again are taken advantage of by the people in their lives. It is unhealthy. You must love yourself and realize that you can't do everything and although you may not like saying no to someone, you have to find a way to get comfortable with saying it. Or maybe you'll never be totally comfortable but you will train those people in your life to think more carefully before they ask you to take on their responsibilities. Boundaries are an integral way to building healthy relationships.

Some people will try to take advantage of you and push your boundaries to the breaking point anytime you allow them too. Don't allow them to. Take care of yourself first and the way to do that is to decide what is acceptable to you and be courageous enough to say no when it is in your best interests. You have to do what is right for you, not your mother, not your husband, not your sister or your neighbor, but you. Only then will you truly be able to continue to help others with love and even enjoyment and without hurting yourself. If this is a tremendously problematic area for you, you might ask a life coach for help.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching