Supposedly, relationships are easy in the beginning.
Relationships are easy in the beginning. At least that's what everyone says. In some ways that was true of ours. Sex was easy and plentiful. Newness, excitement and freshness was easy. But I assigned to myself a very big challenge - that I was going to tell the emotional truth quickly in this relationship. That was one scary deal. I had never done that in relationship communication. As a matter of fact, I went out of my way to be as pleasing as I could be. It didn't work out very well two times before. So I had to take the chance that it was worth it to be in a relationship with me and that if the Martian didn't like me and my emotional truth, we weren't meant to spend our lives together.
And in the beginning it seemed pretty easy for him to hear my emotional truth. Our relationship communication was well in hand. We've talked about it since that time and my conclusion is that because he wasn't very emotionally tied into me, he could be the perfect listen-only Martian. He didn't take any of it personally. But as we became more and more emotionally connected, it became more difficult to not take it personally. We probably both need a quick re-read of The Four Agreements.
Then there is the statement: "When you begin dating someone, it is fun finding out all you can about them and the quirky little habits that they have just make you find them all the more attractive." Most of us have experienced that once the relationship begins to mature, things that were once cute are sometimes aren't so cute anymore. As a matter of fact, they can be down right annoying.
I believe quite strongly that the Universe is in balance meaning that who we are in partnership is no accident and that we "fit" together. If the fit is uncomfortable, then there is growth needing and wanting to happen. Sometimes that growth takes the form of a different way of communicating. Sometimes it requires outside help in the relationship. And sometimes it means leaving the relationship all together. It's your choice.
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I read this blog entry and it's too much information for me let's just talk about the "relationships being easy" part.
ReplyDeleteWhy does it have to be easy anyway?
First of all, if something is easy it's usually not worth all that much.
A more honest way to look at it would be to say that relationships take a lot of effort, Is it worth it?
So, right away you are thinking, "How much effort are we taking about here?"
Well, it depends on what you want to end up with. If you put a little into your relationship then that's what you will get out, a little.
The Martian dream is that a relationship is like a bicycle that once you get it going, you don't have to keep pedaling, you can just keep riding forever without effort. That metaphor describes both a bicycle and a relationship that are going downhill.
A long term intimate relationship can be the vehicle that will take you lovingly into the rest of your life or it can be many boring frustrating years of giving up what you really wanted. You decide - but either way it's not easy.