I Made My Own Relationship Support and You Can Too

Appreciating Each Others' Gifts

The year my family and friends celebrated my 65th birthday with me, we had about 16 people including 3 noisy little boys ages 8, 4 and almost 3 in my not that big living room. It was joyful mayhem at its best.

I was discussing the wonderfulness of it all and the Martian said he realized that one of the things he wants to learn from me is how to create a loving family and friends as I have done.

He reiterated how both his mother and father left their families behind and subtly and not so subtly gave him and his sister the message that people and particularly families are too much bother and trouble. We all know that families are bother and trouble.  To me there is so much happiness from the relationship support I have with my family and friends. There is great joy and richness in working out of the bother and trouble.

Here's a couple of quotes from my step-daughter's special birthday gift to me 70 Things I Love About You. (Are you curious why it's 70 not 65? When I was 60 she mistakenly made a list of 65 which we all laughed about but I wouldn't let her take any away so now she's creating a tradition of giving me 5 extra. I like it!)

#14. Your unconditional love for all your children and grandchildren

#15. The pride you have in your children for both large and small accomplishments

#50. The way you allow others to be themselves

This is one of my gifts but it was not always this way.  My family was a crazy one including a cheating dad who molested me and a raging mother who focused a lot of that rage on me. But along with their dysfunction I also saw how they made their best friend's family into their own. The Martian saw almost no one ever even visit his childhood home. I  had to take the lessons and gifts from my childhood and create my own relationship support.

I love having this gift but how extraordinarily wonderful it is that my husband not only appreciates the gift in me, tells me he appreciates it but wants to change his ways and develop this talent in himself?!

So the next Saturday he invited my daughter, his step-daughter for 29 years to have breakfast with us and I noticed he went out of his way all day yesterday to give out more special hugs than he often does.

Even if your family is scattered or dysfunctional and you want nothing to do with them, you can create a family of loving friends and have the joy that family can bring.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

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Relationship Support for Me and My Martian

Making Sure We Have Relationship Support

My Martian and I have certain times that we set aside just for our relationship support. Every morning before school we have a little sacred time together. It certainly is not the same as a weekend in the country but it creates a beautiful everyday-ness to our lives. The Martian leaves for work at around 6:30 a.m. We get up by 4:00 a.m. to have enough time to do what we do without him rushing off and us not having a few minutes to connect.

It's at these little meetings for our relationship support that we catch each other up on what's happening in our lives, plan events and like this morning - even plan a little bit into the future. In December we are going to visit our kids and we are making reservations, etc.

In the past he has been at such a high level of stress by the time the semester is over, it was important that he has the time off to relax. Now after 8 years of teaching, he isn't that stressed. And on the day this is published he has a birthday. His 79th! and still teaching!

In the past when he was on vacation, I had trouble adjusting to having him in my "work space" - our home but we are each learning how to do this.

How does this all refer to Secret #5, 9 and 11?

• Secret #5 - By discussing what he's thinking about into the future, the Martian is respecting me and my desires and our sacred time.


• Secret #9 - By discussing what he's thinking about into the future, the Martian is making sure our sacred time is cared for. Certainly during the 2 month work breaks, we've had more of that then when he's working.


• Secret #11 - We are both following our own path. the Martian has a need to road test a new class in Robotics and doing it when he's not working full time is great self-care for him and me remaining aware of my his-needs-are-more-important tendencies are important to that pattern dissipating.

These are the ways that we have relationship support.  It is important for me to not only respect the Martian's time and visa versa but also be aware of the individual path I must take.  Being aware of both simultaneously allows us to be supportive of our relationship.