Letting Go - Teaching How to Forgive

Do you ever find yourself going along thinking you know something or that you've resolved something, letting go and all of a sudden there's more to learn or you discover you just resolved it a bit more?

Sometimes I think an issue is resolved and then I discover there’s even more to be uncovered and resolved.

My ex-husband was in my life. We shared four children and five grandchildren. We lived a few miles apart. It's taken a lot of work on my part to be in a state of forgiveness. A lot of letting go. We had a very difficult marriage. We were too young and too unsuited to each other to have anything but a contentious relationship for a good deal of the four years we dated and the 15 years we were married.

I had been going along thinking I had forgiven him for the hurt I felt but wouldn't you know it, I learned just how much internal protection I was holding onto when it came to him. And I am sure he could feel that. I wasn't letting go. I kept seeing him as ‘weird’ until it I clearly saw, “Your four kids are half his? Are they weird? Are they part you and part him which makes them somehow defective.” Of course not! So another letting go.

Maybe some people who grow up being abused never learn how to fully relax and fully trust others. Or maybe it happens in degrees over the years. I'm not sure but what I'm sure of is that I sat next to my ex at a holiday performance at our grandson's school the Friday after realizing this and I felt completely open to him for the first time – probably since we met in 1961! And then again in those couple of weeks, another unfolding and another awareness and another letting go. We had the best conversation about a difficult family issue. It was the best conversation we’ve had in 50 years!

Life is a wonderful teacher and I felt lighter and better about myself with this burden dropped - or maybe they'll be more to drop someday in the future.

You University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Finding Inner Peace Through Understanding

Forgiveness and Inner Peace

To embrace inner peace you must release any need to be forgiven. Many people hold onto resentment and anger and refuse to change until the person(s) who harmed them seeks their forgiveness. This attitude keeps them locked in fear and causes them to deny their own inner peace, their own soul, and Source.

If we look at the big picture, we are all souls exploring this Universe. Whatever we experience with others is what we have chosen - at least on a soul level. Usually, the people that cause us the most heartache have the greatest attachment for us on a soul level. We have a powerful bond of love with them and choose to go through our great human dramas with them.  Sometimes finding inner peace when we are in a powerful relationship is hard.  Fear can set in and hold us back from finding our true selves.

Fear is the opposite of love and inner peace.  We cannot experience fear  when we come from a place of love and awareness. In order for us to take control of where we are, we have to accept that what we are experiencing was created by our own actions and learn from them.   We come to realize we don't need to seek forgiveness but to embrace gratitude about what we have experienced - so that we can understand more about creating with the energies of love not of fear.

When you allow yourself to embrace gratitude towards those you have co-created your experiences with, you will open to the truth of your inner peace. When you finally understand that whole paradigm from a place of learning and understanding, your creations will no longer control you, the creator. It is only then that you will be free to be who you really are - a powerful, unlimited source of inner peace.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

How Does Divorce Effect Children?

People in their 30’s and 40’s whose parents didn’t divorce are probably amongst the minority in many places. It is a fact of our life – divorce and the kids who go through it along with their parents. Kids have no choice.

Well, my kids went through divorce; my grandson has two homes and 3 parents; many, many people I know have children who have gone through their divorces with them.

OK parents, we all did the best we could. It’s such a hard thing for we parents who love our kids to know right up front that something we are doing is going to effect our kids for the rest of their lives – even if it is the exact right and necessary thing for us. So this paragraph is for parents. Somehow, someway you need to make a personal commitment to yourself and your children that you will work to work out what you need to work out so that you are a healthier and more aware person and learn whatever there is to learn about this experience so that you have a happier life and create a happier one for your children.

That’s what you need to do for you but what you really want to know is “how does divorce effect my kids?”

Here are the things I’ve notice:

• Kids may have divided loyalties. If they detect any judgment on the part of parent A towards parent B, the naturally may want to protect parent B and the consequences of this range from becoming highly manipulative to dishonesty and confusion. I am not a therapist but I am a divorced parent and a long term coach and teacher about emotions and the manifestations of divided loyalties are many and varied and not great.


• Kids may have a lack of confidence because they think it’s their fault somehow. Recently my 12 year old grandson said it felt like it was his fault because his dad and step-mom considered splitting. (Happy to say they are back working on their relationship.)


• They may become fearful about relationships and marriage as adults. Now it really is a good idea to marry when you are old enough to know who you are and know what you want, but I wonder if the apparent prevalence of wariness and commitment phobias come from the dis-ease about relationships ever being able to work out.


• Multiple marriages mean multiple parents who effect your kid. Since we are all effected by our parents or parent substitutes, when two people get married more than once, there is a multiplication of effects on the child.

So does all of this mean that our kids are doomed? I think not. I think that if parents face themselves and each other and continue to work out a relationship of forgiveness and love and mutual love for the children a new and imperfect but lovely extended family can occur. We have it in our family. Around 20 years ago my children’s father and I got to the point where we could begin to be together with the kids. We continued to celebrate holidays, birthdays or whatever as a big – sometimes challenging family. But as my youngest daughter said when I said I was proud about how my four kids got along with each other, “Mother, it’s not that we always get along. It’s that we always forgive each other.” She is the child of divorce. Does she sound permanently ruined? Of course not. Humans have issues. One of your kids issues will be that their parents were divorced. Learn how to do it the very best way you can.

Leaders Can Teach Us to Forgive But Most Likely We Will Teach Them

I recently ran across this headline:
An Open Letter to Nawaz Sharif and Asif Ali Zardari from A Saudi Friend

Our world leaders can teach us all how to forgive. As a matter of fact, if they don't start learning how to do it and find inner peace, they will likely blow us all up!

When asked if he held anger for those who imprisoned him, Nelson Mandela responded "that South Africa was too important for him to feel anger. Imagine what would have happened if Mandela had taken the road of personal revenge".

We must find inner peace if we want to spread it to our leaders.  It truly is up to each one of us.

The Path to Inner Peace Is Paved in Forgiveness

There are many tools and techniques that some coaches can teach you to learn how to forgive. There are many more on the internet and in the zillion self-help books that abound everywhere. You can go to a therapist for help.

But I firmly believe that we will have to be the leaders and teach our leaders how to do it. Mandela is a man amongst many with a vision that realizes forgiveness is for yourself. It is you who have anger and hurt living in you and hurting you emotionally, physically and spiritually. And if you realize the consequences to your life in light of Law of Attraction which states like attracts like, you will understand that when you don't forgive, you attract more into your life at the low vibration of those feelings. When you forgive, you attract love and inner peace.

Now that you're done, I have one thing left I'd like you to do.

I'd love to hear your thoughts so comment below and (uh oh this is 2) please follow this blog over there on the right. I'd love to get to know you.