Life Coach - Again: More Will They Call?

So You Want to Be a Life Coach

I’m so glad I have a male in my life to remind me of the male way of doing things - or at least another way of doing things. About a week ago I had an email interaction with a man who said quite clearly that he wanted to hire me to be his coach. A couple of fruitful emails went back and forth over the day. And then nothing. I’m better about accepting the situation but because his comments were so clearly wanting me as his life coach, I didn’t know what to do. What if he didn’t read his email? What if something was wrong in his family?

Fortunately before I formulated a full thought about taking a further action like calling him (we’ve never spoken on the phone - only in person once and email) I asked my husband what to do. He said, “He knows you’re there.”

“Well, Maia, of course he does”, I told myself. And it felt so relieving to leave it alone. And the next day I heard from him and he wrote he had to think about it all.

I know not all women act intuitively and quickly but I tend to. Nice to be reminded everyone isn’t like me.

How Much Agenda Should Life Coaches Have Anyway? NO AGNDA

Just before I went to sleep the other night, I realized I wanted to write about a life coach’s agenda so I wrote a note on the pad I keep by my bed. Then yesterday as I was running around town doing errands, a car pulled in front of me and it’s license plate was: NO AGNDA. Too synchronistic to ignore.

When I went to coaches’ training, I was told that an excellent life coach would have no agenda. That is probably true in a perfect world. It is also true that human beings are almost not capable of having no agenda while loving. That means we have no expectations of our clients. And that isn’t true.

We expect them to:

• call in on time


• pay us in a timely manner


• bring their issues and accomplishments to the call


• have a quiet space in which to have our meeting


• have done their assignments or bring up what stopped them


• share their failures


• share their successes

So, of course, we have agendas for our clients. But maybe they were only talking about personal agendas like “I think you should be a motivational coach” or a “leader of industry” or a “better employee” or …or...
Should is the scary word here. It is not our job as coaches to should anyone into anything. Everyone has had enough of that in their lives from parents,  teachers ,  religious  leaders and well-meaning others.

So NOAGNDA is an ideal to be striven for. It requires the  motivational coach to be more and more aware of their own process and the words and feelings behind the words as they speak to their client.  It  also  takes  careful  listening  to the client. I often hear myself saying things like, “I’m not necessarily right”; “you know if this is true better than I can”; "only you live inside you” and things like that to ensure that the power remains where I always say it is, in the coaching relationship we have. And ultimately,  the  power lies  in  the client  and  their want  for change.

If the Law of Attraction Works, What Does Terrorist Fear Create?

What Are You Attracting?

The Law of Attraction is active in everyone's life whether you're aware of it or not. The Law of Attraction states that you attract what you think, what you feel and what you are. It's simple yet thought provoking.

If you have had a lot of negative stuff happen in your life, it could be the result of negative thoughts and feelings - conscious or unconscious. However, if you have had a lot of positive things happen in your, it's probably because you have had a positive mind set and have done things that have attracted positive results.

Fear is a negative mindset and creates a negative vibration. If many people are afraid of terrorists, which is a normal reaction, then what will happen? Will we create more of what we don't want? If many people are afraid of not having money, what will we all create?

That's why I don't watch the news. The media has advertisers. Those advertising companies want to sell their products. They sell their products by bombarding you with advertising. One of the ways they get you to keep looking at their ads is to use your human addiction to certain feelings.

It has been proven that we are addicted to fear so if they keep showing you killings, rapes, terrorists, failing money markets, your unconscious addiction to the feelings that those shows generate, keeps bringing you back to the news. It's not news you are seeing. It's the fruits of the general fear watching those things engenders.

There are presently very widespread experiments going on investigating just how this all works. Look at http://www.theintentionexperiment.com/.

---

Not sure what Life Coaching is?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13y2P1huQsg&feature=youtube_gdata

You want to be a life coach but you aren't exactly sure what it is.

This was written a short time after 9/11...

My Neighbor Lives 10,000 Miles away

Global Consciousness & Community

On September 11, 2001 the world changed. Now we truly know that those that live 10,000 miles away are our neighbors.  Everyone on this planet feels the effects of  what a few fanatics did to the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. The effects will continue to be felt for the rest of our lives. Many things have changed and are changing as this is being written. No one is smart enough or enough of a prophet to be able to predict what all the results will be. Some things, however, are powerfully clear. What we say and do and think effects everyone else. If I decide not to fly because I am scared, I send a message to those that know me that they should be scared. When they mention the incident to others in their lives, they too are effected. People may lose their jobs because of my choices. This, in turn, effects our economy. Our economy effects the world economy. At no time in history is it more clear that we are a world community – whether everyone likes it or not.

The 20th century paradigm was, “I am the master of my fate, the captain of my soul.” Rugged individualism was highly valued. Even though the women’s movement occurred in groups, the desired outcome was more individual power for women. Not a bad thing in itself but individual none the less. The 21st century paradigm is about community, cooperation and co-activity. Co-activity is defined as “active collaboration1” and “an alliance between two equals.” The term is used to refer to the relationship between coach and client but readily applies to a wider world view. It is a concept and a term that is useful to describe the  model and culture for the 21st century.

Emergencies and situations that require special help and support frequently make us realize how important our communities are to us. We may move to a new place and have no family or friends. We may come to a new passage in our lives – marriage, divorce, grown children. Intentional communities are those created wherever we are on our journey through life.

Building and broadening your intentional communities will nurture your life. Then when life happens, the community is in place. Part of being a successful person is the awareness that we aren’t alone and that everything we do impacts each other politically and environmentally.

• Reach out to longtime friends for connection. Make new ones. Bridge the gaps that exist between people and nations so that hatred and lack of understanding can disappear.

• Use professional associations and connections as a launch pad for personal connections. There is bound  to be at least one person there grappling with similar issues – even if you both want to figure out how to leave the profession.

• Get a coach – now. Coaches offer continuity and perspectives on your growth.  If money is an issue—once or twice a month is better than not at all. If your coach hasn’t earned her value for you within a six months period,  get another.

Old Energy Thinking: You have to do it alone. It builds character.
New Energy: Everything I do, even if I do it alone, effects everyone.

Breaking free from family expectations is one of the most difficult challenges in my lifetime.

by Savina Cavallo

Family.  The immediate one.  The one I grew up in.  And my children too.

I grew up in a “dysfunctional” family…whatever that means.  You see, I understand that there is no real perfect family.  What are the parameters?  I understand that each of us do the best we can in the role we play in Family and in Life.

That includes my parents.  That includes me.  That includes my adult children today.

I still feel stressed trying to please and play the part I felt I needed to play to survive emotionally in my family when growing up.  I find myself still as an adult playing those same roles with my father, my brother, my oldest daughter.

My father expects total respect just because he’s my father.  In his mind and perception, that’s a given….not necessarily the other way around.  So my feelings and expectations in our relationship are not acknowledged by him.

My brother, who’s 12 years older than me, is the same.  So when he feels upset with me about something, he’ll just call me and snap at me, without any discussion or even giving me an opportunity to clarify….and he does the same with my 28 year old son.  You see, he doesn’t like my son because my son doesn’t take shit from anybody.  He’s not disrespectful…but he expects respect.  My brother doesn’t know how to deal with this.  He sees my son as my father sees me.

My oldest daughter, who’s 33 now, is still living decades in the past and walking around with old resentments and unresolved issues….OF HER FREAKEN OWN!!  But, she tries to dump them on me.  She jumps at any opportunity she has to lash out at me, to make me feel bad and guilty and dirty and all the stuff she has inside.

On the other hand, I’m blessed with my other two adult children, who have done their own inner work, are still growing, have released the past, and we get along just fine.  Thank you God.

Family.  There is no handbook with instructions on how to deal with these emotionally charged relationships.  I’ve tried everything I know up to now:

• let things pass to avoid conflict. Doesn’t work (for me)


• Write a letter to them expressing how I feel.  Doesn’t work


• Talk things over.  Doesn’t work.

Family are very set in their ways.  What do I do?  How do I act?  From all the inner work and healing I’ve done (journaling, YOU University personal development program, studying A Course in Miracles principles, reparenting myself) I now know I have a responsibility to myself to protect my boundaries, or they will be stepped on over and over.  Unfortunately, Family is not accustomed to this new behavior.

It’s hard for me.  It’s confusing.  Is this loving?  Is this the “right “thing to do?  I don’t want to hurt anybody….now, including Me.

Well, I don’t have these answers.  All I know is that I feel it’s time to acknowledge my own place in life and break free from the old, toxic patterns of Family  I carry these patterns within myself also, since I’m a part of Family too.  So I keep aware of my own reactions, learning to choose responses that are healthier and more loving for me.

How Does Divorce Effect Children?

People in their 30’s and 40’s whose parents didn’t divorce are probably amongst the minority in many places. It is a fact of our life – divorce and the kids who go through it along with their parents. Kids have no choice.

Well, my kids went through divorce; my grandson has two homes and 3 parents; many, many people I know have children who have gone through their divorces with them.

OK parents, we all did the best we could. It’s such a hard thing for we parents who love our kids to know right up front that something we are doing is going to effect our kids for the rest of their lives – even if it is the exact right and necessary thing for us. So this paragraph is for parents. Somehow, someway you need to make a personal commitment to yourself and your children that you will work to work out what you need to work out so that you are a healthier and more aware person and learn whatever there is to learn about this experience so that you have a happier life and create a happier one for your children.

That’s what you need to do for you but what you really want to know is “how does divorce effect my kids?”

Here are the things I’ve notice:

• Kids may have divided loyalties. If they detect any judgment on the part of parent A towards parent B, the naturally may want to protect parent B and the consequences of this range from becoming highly manipulative to dishonesty and confusion. I am not a therapist but I am a divorced parent and a long term coach and teacher about emotions and the manifestations of divided loyalties are many and varied and not great.


• Kids may have a lack of confidence because they think it’s their fault somehow. Recently my 12 year old grandson said it felt like it was his fault because his dad and step-mom considered splitting. (Happy to say they are back working on their relationship.)


• They may become fearful about relationships and marriage as adults. Now it really is a good idea to marry when you are old enough to know who you are and know what you want, but I wonder if the apparent prevalence of wariness and commitment phobias come from the dis-ease about relationships ever being able to work out.


• Multiple marriages mean multiple parents who effect your kid. Since we are all effected by our parents or parent substitutes, when two people get married more than once, there is a multiplication of effects on the child.

So does all of this mean that our kids are doomed? I think not. I think that if parents face themselves and each other and continue to work out a relationship of forgiveness and love and mutual love for the children a new and imperfect but lovely extended family can occur. We have it in our family. Around 20 years ago my children’s father and I got to the point where we could begin to be together with the kids. We continued to celebrate holidays, birthdays or whatever as a big – sometimes challenging family. But as my youngest daughter said when I said I was proud about how my four kids got along with each other, “Mother, it’s not that we always get along. It’s that we always forgive each other.” She is the child of divorce. Does she sound permanently ruined? Of course not. Humans have issues. One of your kids issues will be that their parents were divorced. Learn how to do it the very best way you can.