Client Runs Away from Himself (and the Coach Who Ran with Him) - SelfGrowth and Personal Goal Setting

I have a client who’s been coaching with me on and off for 6 years. Let’s call him, Eddie. He has major problems with money and self growth. When we started out I agreed to take him as a barter client who would provide marketing advise for my business. As the title implies, there are two parts to this little story - mine and his. I’ll start with me.

How I Ran Away

Back then, I was still running from a certain kind of communication because I tended to take too much responsibility for everyone - family members, clients, friends. I’ve since mended my ways and have taught myself to become aware when I’m doing that-thing-that-I-do. As a result both my boundaries and communication are much clearer.

How that scenario looked was - when I realized that Eddie’s marketing experience really couldn’t help my kind of business, I didn’t know how to say that to him so I said - nothing - and continued coaching him for nothing . We had some feeble conversations about the money but it never got cleared up. And I like the guy so much and he was making progress…. And I was doing my responsible-for-others thing .

We probably had that quasi-barter arrangement for a couple of years and then he stopped coaching. Sometime between his coaching ending and the current round of coaching, he surprised me and sent me a nice check to pay for some of the coaching we had done. It was a lovely surprise and a testimony to his good character. (I also took it as a sign from the Universe that I had made progress also.)

How He Ran Away

Eddie contacted me 10 months ago and said he wanted to do coaching again, wanted to have me make him accountable more strongly than before and sent me 6 post-dated checks so he wouldn’t weasel out of the deal.

He’s made great self growth progress with personal goal setting: buying and using Quicken, setting up a budget, beginning to see the need to forgive his father and ex-wife, sticking to his work commitments, etc. (I’ve been a little looser with him than other clients - allowing him lots of extra short calls. Maybe this is still me being overly-responsible?)

Anyway, two days ago I got an email from him telling me because his money problems are rearing their ugly head, he wanted to stop coaching. I understand him cutting back on his expenses - something we talked about often - although he does say his positive progress has been a result of our coaching so maybe this isn’t too wise but IN AN EMAIL! How chicken we all can be about disappointing others and what a mirror for my own chicken ways of dealing with difficult communication.

I invited him (via email) to talk about this over the phone but so far no Eddie. He reminded me (via email) that he’s not good at such things. I know, Eddie, that’s one of the things we’ve been working on - clearer, stronger, more powerful communication.

Years ago I would have taken this very personally. I don’t anymore. It happens this way sometimes and I hope Eddie finds what he needs to move him to the next level in his life. And I hope I remember Eddie when I am tempted to - dare I say it? - enable someone else.

Round 3 - a P.S.

Since I wrote this, I've had a quick third round with Eddie. Money issues. Job issues. The same old Eddie thing. After our first session this time around I thought to ask him if he believed what I told him (about his self growth issues being ties to not having forgiven his father for controlling him with money). He stopped a moment and said, "I take it with a grain of salt." Me aghast! "Why?" Eddie, "You're a friend and so I don't totally believe you." Go figure that one out. Anyway I fired him, lovingly, on the spot.