Becoming A Life Coach and Self Growth

When I was told that the first requirement for a life coach is continuing self  growth, I was totally sold on the idea of me becoming a life coach for the rest of my life. I consciously adopted the idea of self  growth about 30 years ago and since then have been in love with personal growth and spiritual growth (which I happen to think are the same thing).

Before that I was unconsciously searching for the idea. I joined a spiritual group; I went to a 24-hour encounter group with my ex-husband; I went to a 12-Step group to lose weight and I went to Marriage Encounter with my ex-husband. But I didn’t know what I was searching for and so it was hard to find. I had a spiritual awakening when I realized that I had to leave my marriage. I walked out on the ledge of uncertainty and ran away with no job and with four kids. That was my moment! And I learned from then on that what I was looking for was uncovering the Being I came here to earth to be.

I’ve had other addictions before - ones that made me high or fat - but this is a most positive one! I am addicted to uncovering my inner essence  and my  self  growth - and that is what I convey to my clients.

You University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Rules for Being Human-Keys To Self Growth

Rules for Being Human

These rules are consistent to everyone. It doesn't matter where you are or where you are from these rules apply to your life. If you can embrace them, your self growth will truly show itself.

1.  You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for the entire period this time around.

2.  You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time, informal school called Life. Each day in this school, you will have the opportunity to learn lessons. You may like the lessons or think them stupid and irrelevant.

3.  There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error, experimentation. The “failed” experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiment that ultimately “works.”

4.  A lesson is repeated until learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5.  Learning lessons does not end. There is no part of Life that does not contain lessons. If you are alive, there are lessons to be learned.

6.  “There” is no better than “here.” When your “there” has become a  “here,” you will simply obtain another “there” that will again look better than “here.”

7.  Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something that you love or hate about yourself.

8.  What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9.  Your answers lie inside of you. The answer to Life’s questions lie inside of you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10.  This will often be forgotten, only to be remembered again.

From the book If Life is a Game, These are the Rules by Cherie Carter-Scott

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Self Growth - OK. Now I'm going to blow my own horn - at least a littlebit

Self Growth and Spiritual Growth

A short time ago I got off the phone with a client. She told me what follows and said I should write about it and so I am. There. That's my disclaimer in case you want to see me coming from my ego. (I'm kind of kidding. But really. So. She and I have been working together for about a year. She is stuck in her life for a couple of reasons: One, she experiences a lot of anxiety and has done so for many years. And, two, she needs to make this big decision and keeps vacillating.

What I finally saw about her self growth today and shared with her is this:

• While we as a culture used to talk about "that's how my nervous system is" and feel stuck with it - stuck with the genetics of our screwed up parents or forefathers and stuck with our own proclivities to anxiety or whatever negative systems we experienced because of our "rotten" childhoods. But now comes the Age of Responsibility.  Many of us know and/or believe that we chose our childhoods and parents. And even if that's too hard to swallow for you, science has shown us that we can change the physiology of our own brains by turning our thoughts to more positive ones and creating new neural connections. This is self growth and spiritual growth.

• And I shared that I am a living example of how this works. I was emotionally abused by my mother and sexually abused by my only loving parent, my father. So although I do believe I chose that childhood and those parents, I am not just a spiritual being. I am living a human experience. And in this experience I have choices. I have chosen to heal my emotional past. I have chosen to change my thoughts and beliefs.  I have chosen self growth. It has and does take effort. But the rewards are great.

What my client told me was that because I have done the work, share my experience and continue to exhibit the benefits of having done so, I help her know that she can do it too.

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Client Runs Away from Himself (and the Coach Who Ran with Him) - SelfGrowth and Personal Goal Setting

I have a client who’s been coaching with me on and off for 6 years. Let’s call him, Eddie. He has major problems with money and self growth. When we started out I agreed to take him as a barter client who would provide marketing advise for my business. As the title implies, there are two parts to this little story - mine and his. I’ll start with me.

How I Ran Away

Back then, I was still running from a certain kind of communication because I tended to take too much responsibility for everyone - family members, clients, friends. I’ve since mended my ways and have taught myself to become aware when I’m doing that-thing-that-I-do. As a result both my boundaries and communication are much clearer.

How that scenario looked was - when I realized that Eddie’s marketing experience really couldn’t help my kind of business, I didn’t know how to say that to him so I said - nothing - and continued coaching him for nothing . We had some feeble conversations about the money but it never got cleared up. And I like the guy so much and he was making progress…. And I was doing my responsible-for-others thing .

We probably had that quasi-barter arrangement for a couple of years and then he stopped coaching. Sometime between his coaching ending and the current round of coaching, he surprised me and sent me a nice check to pay for some of the coaching we had done. It was a lovely surprise and a testimony to his good character. (I also took it as a sign from the Universe that I had made progress also.)

How He Ran Away

Eddie contacted me 10 months ago and said he wanted to do coaching again, wanted to have me make him accountable more strongly than before and sent me 6 post-dated checks so he wouldn’t weasel out of the deal.

He’s made great self growth progress with personal goal setting: buying and using Quicken, setting up a budget, beginning to see the need to forgive his father and ex-wife, sticking to his work commitments, etc. (I’ve been a little looser with him than other clients - allowing him lots of extra short calls. Maybe this is still me being overly-responsible?)

Anyway, two days ago I got an email from him telling me because his money problems are rearing their ugly head, he wanted to stop coaching. I understand him cutting back on his expenses - something we talked about often - although he does say his positive progress has been a result of our coaching so maybe this isn’t too wise but IN AN EMAIL! How chicken we all can be about disappointing others and what a mirror for my own chicken ways of dealing with difficult communication.

I invited him (via email) to talk about this over the phone but so far no Eddie. He reminded me (via email) that he’s not good at such things. I know, Eddie, that’s one of the things we’ve been working on - clearer, stronger, more powerful communication.

Years ago I would have taken this very personally. I don’t anymore. It happens this way sometimes and I hope Eddie finds what he needs to move him to the next level in his life. And I hope I remember Eddie when I am tempted to - dare I say it? - enable someone else.

Round 3 - a P.S.

Since I wrote this, I've had a quick third round with Eddie. Money issues. Job issues. The same old Eddie thing. After our first session this time around I thought to ask him if he believed what I told him (about his self growth issues being ties to not having forgiven his father for controlling him with money). He stopped a moment and said, "I take it with a grain of salt." Me aghast! "Why?" Eddie, "You're a friend and so I don't totally believe you." Go figure that one out. Anyway I fired him, lovingly, on the spot.