My Love Relationship
I am a kind and loving woman. I require a love relationship with the ones close to me. I care about many people and show them and tell them - including my husband. This morning he is here even though it's Monday morning and I usually have quiet to work. My office is right out in the middle of the house and a lot of what I do is write - just like I am writing right now. He went out to get the car smogged and came in while I was writing. I greeted him and thanked him for taking care of the car. I listened for a few minutes while he talked about what was happening in the apartment across the way - and he kept talking to his daughter about stuff that is not important that she know or I listen to at this time. Maybe he wants to spend a little more time before he settles into his working on work-related stuff. However, I need quiet when I write. I requested that he stop and he got a little bent out of shape. Although he stopped talking.I kept writing for a minute or two and then asked if we could talk a minute. I explained my situation more fully. I did this because I have a nagging need inside for peace. I don't like it when there are ruffled feelings.
Do I go overboard on this - on easing them? I'm not sure. I have a need for a love relationship. I'm noticing that as I continue to write here, my mind keeps going to the bedroom where he is. I see myself wanting to go make nice or talk or check to make sure he's ok with me. This is all my childhood stuff. Or maybe I'm just hardwired this way. Whatever.
What I know after 29 years with this man is that he is fine; he would let me know if he needed more from me; that this no big deal; and that I will likely just follow my desire to check in with him when I'm done writing this.
Now that you're done, I have one thing left I'd like you to do.
When I read Maia's entry about this instance in our life it was interesting because I did not experience this particular episode in our marriage in a way that was at all memorable.
ReplyDeleteIn other words, when I read her entry I thought back and, yeah, something like this did happen but it was nothing to write home about so that goes to show that what effects a Venusian sometimes has little or no effect on a Martian.
Of course, if I say that then I am in trouble for not being sensitive to her miffs or in this case I was the one who was miffed and I just went into the other room and worked on stuff knowing that I would get over it.
However, in the long run and the reason our relationship is still "juicy" is because, "darn it", Maia insists on not just getting "over it" but talking about it as well so that there are no unresolved feelings about "it".
That's the medicine and, honestly, it's a small price to pay for the continued high level of connection, aka juiciness, in our relationship for 25 plus years.
Interesting morning to read this, as I had a similar "episode" w/ my boyfriend last night. We don't live together, and I haven't checked in with him yet today. I wonder if he has already dismissed things or if he's still upset? I'm trying to let his feelings be his and not mine. But I sure want to call him and "make it all better"! Tricky. Thanks for sharing, it helps me!
ReplyDeleteLove these posts- both of you. This is an area of exploration that fascinates me - how we assume responsibility for other's feelings, experience, and meaning making- or don't.
ReplyDeletelovely post
ReplyDeleteI loved this post for a couple of reasons. I love your very much Venusian way of doing it. I also love your husbands comments on it. It is nice to have both sides to the story. I wonder how many things my husband just goes along when I hang on to them. Thanks for the combination of views. Love you both.
ReplyDelete