How Not to Cry
This morning I viewed a wonderful little video created by my friend, Dr. Jane Bolton, a therapist friend of mine.The story goes like this: we're little. We cry. The adults don't want to hear it for whatever their reasons. They tell us big girls don't cry or you cry too much or you have it so good you have no reason to cry. Whatever. So we learn that crying is bad or embarrassing or immature or something not OK.
But did you ever think that crying has a purpose?
Well, it does. It is a wonderful release. I believe it is a necessary release of emotion and it cleanses away many difficult feelings. For me, I believe it saved my life. I cried very easily as a child with lots of reasons that were valid. No child likes being yelled at and criticized on a very constant basis. It was a big release for me who was not allowed much of any other feeling except happiness. For 37 years I lived with someone - first mother then husband - who made me feel bad and fearful. And so I cried. Within two months of having finally left that husband in 1980, every one of my 4 children who were then 6, 7, 10 and 14 at the time noticed that, "You no longer cry everyday, Mommy." That's because my predominant feeling at the time was gratitude for no longer living in fear and unhappiness.
The upshot of these experiences is that I know that crying is like releasing a safety valve and that we were made as humans to experience all of it - anger, fear, hurt, sadness, happiness, joy. And crying is a great way to release those feelings that don't feel good and even a way often to express joy.
I've never really written about my thoughts on crying and how sad I feel when I hear people apologizing for crying. Your tears are a gift to whomsoever gets to hear you - and hopefully give you a hug.
YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching
YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching
I like your post, Maia! It is a passionate desire of mine to support fullness of True Self expression-something we share.
ReplyDeleteWarmly
Jane
WWW.DrJaneBolton.com
First of all, anyone that beautiful should never have a reason to cry unless she is like me and does stupid things and goes where even the insane AND once again stupid dare not go. I have the answer, find a Mary Kay person, tell them (if this is true) you have no desire to sell or hold a party ever, buy their eye primer, waterproof eye pencil and mascara & powdered eyeshadow...I cry all the time (yes, I am stupid---sorry Nichole & Maia & anyother person who knows me or ever will know me...).
ReplyDeleteCrying is a release and one should only do it when they have the Mary Kay makesup AND magnifying mirror with makeup kit.
Here's to not having to cry too much!
Loved the video!
Minette
Maia,
ReplyDeleteI love this post and find it is one more commonality between us. I cry when sad, happy, angry, tired, watching a Pepsi commercial, etc. (usually not from physical pain, though). Yes, it is a great release and how wonderful for you that your kids were so in tune with your behavior even at that young age. I think people apologize for crying because they realize that it might make their witnesses uncomfortable.
Dr. Jane, loved your video snippet of what not to do...that's right, let it all out! So sensible.
Best!
Elaine