Should couples have sex before marriage? What factors should couplesconsider?

If that is your true question, should you have sex before marriage? I have no answer. That answer is one of your own desire and sometimes a religious question. I cannot speak to your own personal desire nor to religious ones but I can speak to the question about sex before marriage.

I may be of a very different generation from you but sex was not just invented in the late 20^th century. It’s always been around. And when I was your age, it was around and people were pondering the same questions.

But by the time the 1970’s rolled around, sex had quite clearly come out of hiding.

So I get that there is much underlying this kind of question. Many women have had the experience of being unabashedly and unashamedly “modern” – knowing that it is totally okay and not only expected of men but now women are allowed to come right out and say they like sex too.

This is a very good thing. For way too long sex lived under the false wraps of shame and modesty. Since all sex is , is just human, it doesn’t belong wrapped in shame. But where exactly does it belong?

Well, my age and my focus has some great advantages when answering that question. Here are my advantages:

• I have been around  7 decades.
• On top of that - I’ve been married 3 times.
• On top of that - the third one is 27 years long and highly successful.
• On top of that - I worked and studied with one of the world’s experts on relationships – John Gray, author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.
• And on top of that - I am an observer and teacher of the human situation – and I have been observing what frequently happens when a woman has sex too soon.

I realize the secondary question in the title of this article is “What factors should couples consider?” I am a woman and I have only the real experience of woman to rely on. By specifying couples in the question, the implication is that I’d also be speaking about what’s best for a man. I can do that only in this way; if a man is serious about considering a future with a woman, what works for her must work for him too – otherwise the issues of incompatibility are too deep to consider a future together. So I feel safe in directing my thoughts to woman.

If I were you, here’s what I suggest you consider before you have sex:

Before you jump on your “I’m an emancipated woman” horse, consider waiting 2 to 6 months before you have sex with a man you might even ever consider for a lifelong partner.

For many psychological, physical and biological reasons, women become very activated emotionally when they have sex. For that reason, it would be a really good idea to wait because then - as men are accused of having their brains you know where - women become exactly what will not allow them to really get to know their potential future partner because their hormones will not allow them to get in touch with their true intuitive nature. They will  most often not look at the real signs of “not a match” because they are now like high school girls with a major crush.

If you liked him a bit and thought he was cute, why not get to know him before you activate all of that lovely emotional roller coaster. It’s not a guarantee for future success but it gives the relationship a shot. And imagine how enticing you become when you are the one woman who says “no” – or “no” for awhile anyway. 

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