I believe that my denial or reluctance about personal growth and development affects the balance of what I attract into my life, affects my mindset and the progress of me as a continually developing person. If I don’t acknowledge my barriers to personal growth, I will be in terrible discomfort.
Can a friend relationship be one of my barriers to personal growth?
Here’s an example from my life: Over my lifetime in the past, I have formed powerful relationships with certain women to whom I willingly gave my power or, if I didn’t give my power away exactly, I denied the truth of some clear and subtle aspects of the relationship. I thought I was done doing that.
But several weeks ago I realized that a relationship I’ve had for 15 years had many aspects OUT OF BALANCE and I had indications and feelings for years.
For example:
- Almost all of the emotional support was going in one direction – from me to her – and had been for years
- I felt like it was an obligation to give her time and she felt like it was an obligation to give me time
- Truth be told, I no longer feel proud to call her my friend as she lives her life in ways I do not feel good about – let’s call it stagnated personal growth and development.
I could tell you stories that support the above but those stories would cloud the truth. The truth I had to be willing to allow myself to know was it was time to let this relationship go. I have done that. It was hard. I don’t like to think of myself as not loyal or a rejecting sort of person but for my own personal growth and development as a human being on Planet Earth for a fleeting lifetime, I did it. I hope it somehow has a positive effect on her but I did this for me.
I feel the peace of growth and the positive “backlash” of balance I’ve achieved.
Anything niggling at you? Take a look at your barriers to your own personal growth.
This comment rang a large bell for me. I have a relationship with a woman who is my Yoga/Pilates instructor. She is a very spiritual woman and very serious about doing good things in the world. She recently had breast cancer and I was really there for her, but I rarely tell her what to do or how to do it. She, on the other hand is very free about telling me how to live life. I should be Vegan. Meat and chicken are bad for you. After a sermon about change at a Rosh Hashanah service, she told me that I should try to change everything about me and I should try to be more spiritual. I have told her point blank that I am what I am. I believe that I am a very spiritual and loving person, but I do not believe in G-d. I do not want to be a vegan and while I am careful about what I eat and where I get it and what is in it, I am not as paranoid as she is. It is getting to the point that I have to be more emphatic and ask her to back off. I do not like conflict and I do not want to hurt her. I do not know if her suggestions are just that or if she is really very controlling and that my being the way I am is making her anxious about herself. Anyway, I was stimulated to vent by your article. I really know that I need to sit down with her and tell her how I feel. If she does not hear me I might have to sever the relationship because it is very upsetting to me. I had enough time with a mother who was controlling. I do not need another mother.
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