How to Determine If You Have Authentic Self Esteem

Ego or Self Esteem?

Self esteem is all about how you see yourself and how you feel about yourself as a person. Increasing your self esteem is normally considered a good thing but keep in mind that like with everything else there is an up side and a down side.

If you have a low self esteem and you raise it to a point where you feel good about who you are, this is a good thing. But if you raise your self esteem too high and you become too full of yourself, you can be hurtful to people you love. This is not such a good thing.

Many years ago on my own personal journey of finding authentic self esteem I got a very hard job selling financial products to school teachers. I worked extremely hard and succeeded mightily (at least according to those who measure success by how much money you make). My authentic self esteem, my sense of being able to accomplish a hard thing daily, did increase. But so did my need to let everyone I knew know how much money I was making. I blush to think how full of myself I was. (And I apologize to all my friends for my obnoxiousness.)

This is all about ego - that sneaking little aspect of your mind that tells you that you are either not good enough or too good. It compares you to someone else to make you wrong or it compares you to someone else to make you superior. Neither of these states constitutes authentic self esteem.

Ego feelings come from your head. Authentic self esteem comes from your heart or gut or spirit. They are in line with your essential Whoever-Created-You-Given sense of worthiness.

Examine your levels of self esteem as honestly as you can. Listen to your heart and your gut instincts to lead you to be honest with yourself. When you have an honest picture of where you may be lacking in the self esteem area, then you can proceed with specific techniques to assist you in bringing your self esteem to the level of authentic good feelings about yourself - from the inside out.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Once Upon a Time There Was Emotional Healing

Three Magic Secrets  to Emotional Healing

It is our job to change our own lives.  It cannot be left to other people or to the world around us. We cannot push our lives back until we have money, or feel secure in relationships. We have to start our emotional healing now.

Three Magic Secrets necessary to change your life:Magic Secret #1 - Life Is a School - Every newspaper and TV station and internet news are all freaking out about the economy, the environment, the politicians, etc. Well, that is their job as they see it. But our job is to ignore all that and remember Life Is a School. Why do we want to ignore it or at least not get too focused on it? Because our predominant state of being creates our reality and if our predominant state of being is some sort of freak out, then that's what we will create in our lives. Not only is Life Is a School on the individual level but the level of state, country, planet, Universe. We are here to learn. If everyone is freaking out, then we create more to be freaked out about. Like attracts like. And from that perspective we've done quite a good job of it. What I want to learn and I am suggesting you learn too, is how to be as authentically me as possible and how to change my attitude as quickly as possible which leads me to say that on both an individual and global level we all create a better world which is why I endorsed Obama. He seemed to supply hope to many people. It's a much happier attractor than fear will ever be - or at least we'll like the results more.

Magic Secret #2 - Friend In-Deed - Don't underestimate the impact of who you keep close to you  in your life on your attitude. If the people you hang out with are into positive change, it'll make it easier for you to be into it too.  If the people you hang out with are critical and complaining, guess what? That's the direction you will likely find yourself going in. If they focus on negativity and on the past and all that was wrong with it, remind them and yourself now is the time for change!

Magic Secret #3 - My Cup Runneth Over - Yup. Gratitude. The easiest way to activate the Law of Attraction in your direction, The easiest way to change your attitude and easily focus on now . Gratitude can open the door to your own emotional healing, let go of anger, and allow wonderful things to transpire in your life.

As my book says, "And with those Magic Secrets you too will discover how to find the sparkle, the light, the joy, find who you were when you were very first born." (page 35, Once Upon a Time There Was You: Three Magic Secrets for Finding Your Real Self .

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Are You Judging Yourself? Find Self Acceptance

Self Acceptance by a Coach

In a world full opposites we seem to have trouble finding our own self acceptance. I was in the last couple of minutes with a coaching call and my client said she realized why she spent her life comparing herself to others. Her mother had compared her to others when she was a child and she learned it.

Learning to compare as a child makes perfect sense to me from two perspectives:

• First we have the human perspective - the perspective we hold here on planet earth. Here on planet earth it seems as if comparing is perfectly normal. We are always looking at good and bad , smaller and bigger , better and worse . We see things in duality. If there is one, the opposite is also true. So when my mother used to say, "Why aren't you like Renee (a goodie-two-shoes who was the older-than-I daughter of my mother's childhood friend)? It made me feel - bad! So if I was bad then somebody has to be good.  And so we spend our lives comparing ourselves to others.  But self acceptance can also be learned thus we have to apply it to our daily routine.

• Then we have the broad, spiritual perspective (and I might add, the real one). In that perspective there is only ONENESS. Whether you see it as a spiritual Intelligence, God or whatever, it's very nature is oneness. And since that implies that ALL is part of that, there is no duality, no good and bad, no smaller and bigger, no comparison. All is included in the ONE. We are all encompassing.  All of us are apart of one whole.

So, from the spiritual perspective there is nothing to compare because we are all part of the same thing. It is only an illusion. When you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else checking to see if they are richer, thinner or prettier or if you are, then you can realize that perspective is learned. Now you are in control of your own self acceptance.  Every time you catch yourself, you are closer and closer to full self acceptance.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching

Three Magic Secrets - the Movie

The First 37 Years - Covered in the Movie

I guess I've learned to make a story out of my life. This movie is the story of a part of my life. Making it into a story, has helped me learn what was good about the hard parts. Writing and producing it the way I did felt like giving birth to my 5th child. That child has taught me many things about life and myself. It is said, "from the mouth of babes".

The Fifth Child Is Born as We All Are - as a Result of Pain

Twelve years ago my husband and I found ourselves living in Las Vegas, a very unlikely place for someone who hates heat and always said she never would want to live there - me. Some people experience the results in their lives that have people saying to them, "Be careful what you wish for" but I seem to have to stay away from "I never..." kinds of statements because then they seem to happen.

So we had just gone through one of the hard parts in life. For 5 years we ran a workshop training company for John Gray, the Men Are from Mars guy and that company ended abruptly and kind of crazily. Many things changed in our lives including no longer being able to afford our lovely home in N. California. Fortunately, my husband was offered the job in Las Vegas and to Las Vegas we went.

So since I had to do something in Las Vegas out of the heat, I decided to see if I could write a book. It was a sometimes frustrating journey but I did it! I learned that I have creative talent that I had no idea I had.

The Fifth Child's Frustrating Years

I also had no idea how to market the book, so it sat in boxes in our house until along came the idea of making it into a Powerpoint presentation with movement and music.

That also took many, many months only to find out that Powerpoint files were really hard to show on the internet. Eventually I had it made into a flash movie which took a whole year long journey in itself and was fraught with much drama between me and the gentleman who was making it for me.

Meanwhile things got way better in our lives. We were back in Los Angeles, crazed and then uncrazed over the loss of all of our money but life kept improving as my husband found his fifth career at age 70, teaching high school Physics which he does until today, seven years later, and I am about to start training my thirteenth coach.

The Fifth Child Grows Up

Yesterday I was able to convert that flash movie that took a year to be done into a movie I can easily post anywhere from youtube to facebook or right here on my website. For that I am exceptionally grateful. At the same time in this my 70th year on the planet (I will have my 70th birthday on January 4, 2013) I am now known as the Wise Fairy God Mother and I finally believe it is the most appropriate title for this formerly very low self esteem woman, the Woman-Who-Was-the-Girl-Who-Was-the-Light. And I am grateful.

Note: If you want to find out who the Woman-Who-Was-the-Girl-Who-Was-the-Light and the Wise Fairy God Mother are, watch the movie. It's up there on the menu bar. It'll take you about 11 minutes and put your speakers on.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching  

Become a Life Coach

Is it a good fit?

To find out if you're cut out to become a life coach:

• Talk to other life coaches to see what the career entails.
• Take a course from a seasoned coach. There are many courses online.
• Hire a life coach you respect and trust and make part of your process the determination if life coaching is the career for you.

Many coaches believe life coaching is a calling. You really need to love helping other people and want to make a difference in people's lives. Coaching is a demanding career that has many benefits which include:

• You don't always need to meet face-to face with your clients; some you may never meet since coaching can be done over the phone, computer or live video. This allows you to work flexible hours from home without commuting and spend more time with your family.
• You don't have to pay the overhead of an office.
• It's a vehicle for you to continue to learn and grow in a supportive professional community of other coaches.

Many people go to coaching schools. Many people spend lots of money for training. Not that many actually end up doing it. In my way of looking at things there's nothing wrong with that. No learning, no experience is ever wasted. But if you want to be surer of your path, hire a coach, find some coaches to speak to and question or take an inexpensive preliminary course.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching  

The Biggest Reason Relationships Fail

I didn’t speak up but I was totally aware how I felt about him but right along with knowing that, were the many fears about how I look to the world with the star one being “nobody will want me”.

What I mean by “not telling the truth” is not telling the truth about my emotions and how I was feeling about him and in the relationship. Sometimes I’m just in denial about something but this I knew absolutely. If I was in denial about anything, it was that I was an attractive and acceptable woman.

There is the “sports, news and weather” kind of communication about jobs, kids, friends, family, colds, the news, etc. That is not what we are talking about here. What we are talking about here is the communication that happens between people in a relationship that starts out as “being in love” and can deteriorate into wanting to end the relationship or living in what feels like an armed camp or a monastery with no communication."

So the question might be, “If I’m feeling angry, should I just express it?” The answer is “yes” and “no”. If you just express it, it will only be part of what is true and will cause an argument or a shutdown in communication. If you don’t express it, you might end up with years of unexpressed emotion piling up and creating separation. The tool I will teach you will help you in both ways - to fully communicate and also prevent lack of connection.

I was taught, while on my journey of learning, how to have a relationship, to “tell the truth quickly”. I took that on as a if I were enrolled in a lifesaving course of study - which it has proven to be.

Anger covers over love with lots of different feelings in between. Anger is sort of the first emotion so that even if I feel afraid or sad in a situation, it is really because I am angry.

Did you ever watch a baby get angry over not getting what they want? As soon as they get it, they are all smiles again. They do it quickly and easily. We, however, have been socialized away from that. If I am 5 and want the red dress and get angry because I don’t get it, most parents and teachers tell us that “it isn’t nice” or “don’t do that” or “it is not ok to get angry at adults” or ...whatever you were told. And so being the smart little beings that we are and wanting to please our adults, we begin the comply and create habits of a lifetime.

This is the biggest reason why relationships fail.

YOU University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching 

Feeling Joy

I got up this morning at my usual 4 a.m. Yes, that is quite early but it's become a routine fueled by age, sleep patterns and a desire for my husband and I to ease into our day leaving time for coffee and chat. Our chat most days is a dual attempt that serves two purposes. One is to keep us connected so that the busyness of life does not end up being friendly strangers in our own house and two is to give us time to work on what we're grateful for or some topic that will end up leaving us feeling grateful and ready to face our day in a positive way.

So today my day is just the usual - straighten house, shower, handle phone appointments, answer emails, exercise, work on my new course videos, work on my blog. All of this is quite usual. Some days I have clients. Some not. Some days I attend 12-Step meetings. Some not.

I guess our morning get-together worked because I am feeling free floating joy. I'm learning that if I allow the Universe it's timing, I need not fret or worry about anything. It all will come. I just have to do my part. And, hallelujah, that is very rarely hard any more.  There was a time that that was not true but all the trudging has really put me on the road to happy destiny.

You University Coaching/Life Coach Training and Life Coaching